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Discussion » Statements » Rosie's Corner » Once upon a time I worked with a very nice gal who did something I could never have done in a zillion years. Could you?
RosieG

Once upon a time I worked with a very nice gal who did something I could never have done in a zillion years. Could you?

She had a young son by a prior husband and she and her new husband had a daughter. Things were okay until her son became an adolescent. Then it was constant relentless badgering by her husband of her son and constant hoslitility and bellierance returned by her son. She sent her son to live with his father. She stayed married to the man who fathered her daughter. Would you have done the same thing?

Here's the thing. If her husband TRULY loved her wouldn't he have made it a point to get along with her son for her sake if not for the sake of being a good father? I would always choose my child. In her case though she had two children so it was not an easy decision for her to make and she suffered heartbreak because of it. i saw it firsthand at work for weeks afterward. What is the RIGHT thing to do in a case like that?.

What would you have done? Why?

Posted - June 12, 2019
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Responses


  • 10049
    I try my best not to judge how others live their lives. Personally speaking, I can't imagine a scenario where I'd choose anyone over my children. 
      June 12, 2019 9:18 AM MDT
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  • 113301
    me too neither either SA. Thank you for your reply and Happy Wednesday! :)
      June 12, 2019 9:56 AM MDT
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  • 14795
    It takes all parties in that scenario to make things work Rosieit can only take one tiny incident to upset the apple cart as well......
    It's not a case of pointing the finger at any individual, far better to fix any problems before situation get out of hand
    Only those  that live under the same roof everyday together know exactly how things are....
    In which case it's wrong to pass judgement on such personal matters unless your the parents or close family members that have seen and witnessed things with their own eye and ears....  
      June 12, 2019 10:11 AM MDT
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  • 46117
    Thank you for this.  I mean you really gave a story.   I like this method of asking a question because you gave all the details this time.  This way we know what you mean and why you are asking this.

    I agree with you totally.  I could never understand a man or woman who would try and come between a parent and a child just so they can be mentally comfortable in their own selfish head.   If I don't like my husband's son and the son is just a normal kid who I clash with, it is my job as an adult to be the bigger person in the situation.  This is what marriage is all about.  It is about giving and forgiving.  Not getting and forgetting all the mistakes YOU may have made in the situation.  

    So, if you love someone, you love their kids and whom they love.  At least enough to do no harm whatwoever.

    Now, there is another adjunct to this answer. IF THE KID is HELL ON EARTH?  Then there has to be a stand.  If you love a partner that indulges a moron?  What about a partner that sides with his son when the SON is a MONSTER?  I think I would stop loving the partner and move out myself in that instance.  I would re-evaluate what I once loved about the partner too.
      June 12, 2019 11:48 AM MDT
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  • 6023
    Things were okay until her son became an adolescent. Then it was constant relentless badgering by her husband of her son and constant hoslitility and bellierance returned by her son. 


    Are you sure the "hostility and belligerence" was returned?
    I know plenty of mixed families, and it's usually the step kids who start being hostile to the step parent.
    And it generally starts in junior high. (adolescence)
    EG: "You're not my {dad/mom}.  You can't tell me what to do."

    I have had interactions with the children of a friend, who had asked me to provide a "father figure" role (though we were not romantically involved).  I stopped within a week.  The mother would ask me to talk to her sons regarding doing their chores - then complain that I was "too harsh" on them, when I did so.

    So yeah - I can see a few different angles on this type of situation.
    The appropriate step would have been for them to get counseling, and figure out what the root cause of the problem was, so they could work through it.
      June 12, 2019 12:21 PM MDT
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