Discussion»Statements»Rosie's Corner» You're chatting away pleasantly and the "other" sez something hurtful/insulting/stupid. Do you ignore/forgive or do you leave for good?
I don't have that happen very often. I don't go out of my way to get offended and if someone is normally pleasant and says something weird and offensive, I would ask WHY?
It would make me suspect, but I doubt if I would take it too seriously unless there is more of the same. The more of it I hear, the less I am likely to re-visit another conversation with the person.
I will probably wait till "other" has finished speaking. Then I may say, "When you said xxxx, I felt hurt. I would prefer ------ because I need ----." Then I'd leave it up to the other to respond however they choose. or I might say, "When you said xxxx, I thought maybe you were feeling angry or upset about something. If there's someting I can do to make things better, I'd like to. Can we talk about it?'
If the other continues to speak in an abusive manner, I may make polite excuses and leave. I wouldn't break off the relationship unless the person has gone through some dramatic change - such as PTSD, psychotic episode, alcoholism, or ice addiction. Or I might only temporarily break off - and return when the person has healed.
That is a very calm measured and logical way to react I think bw. Allow me to give you an example of what I do or did or have done or could do again. I can shut down shut off immediately never again to turn on to that person.
Long ago I had a "best friend". We got along just great. Then my stepdad got into an accident that changed his life and my mom's. He was riding a motorcycle to work at daybreak and a VW tire came off a car ahead and rolled toward him. He didn't see it until it was too late. It flipped him and he crashed. Other things happened after that and subsequently he got aphasia and was in a wheelchair and unable to communicate or do anything for himself. A very bad accident.
My "best friend" and I were going to night school taking an Accounting Class. Of course I told her about what had happened to my stepdad previously. One night after class she told me that she didn't handle tragedy/adversity well and so she was going to back away from the friendship for "awhile". I did not ask her anything. I did not respond or react verbally. I had zero interest in anything she would have said. I simply turned away and walked away and I NEVER SPOKE TO HER AGAIN. When I look back at what I did I would do it again. A friend does not abandon a friend when the friend is experiencing tragedy. She was a fair-weather friend which is no friend at all. A goodtime Charlie. Who needs that? I sure don't. You probably wouldn't have done that but I was so hurt I wanted nothing more to do with her. Ever. That's me. Thank you for your reply and Happy Wednesday! :)
WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH 