Since my social life pretty much revolves around work and taking naps I suppose now's a good time to consider having a child or two.

I hear the government has been keeping America's overstock of un-needed and unwanted and un-welcomed children in cages along the border.  Trump-mart has marked them all defective and considers them factory seconds so I bet you could get a few out of the conservative bargain bin at just below cost.  Contact I.C.E. and have them send you up a selection to choose from.  No returns.  All sales final. And thank you for shoping at Trump-mart.