Discussion»Questions»Life and Society» If someone does something nice for you and you later find out it was their personal assistant who did it, does that diminish the niceness?
I think I'd probably understand and accept if the person was super busy and gave specific instructions to the personal assistant.
It might depend on the nature of the kindness - a once-off like offering someone a job, taking someone to hospital or organising a beneficial introduction - that would count. But if the PA was expected to automatically organise birthday presents for family and others, or similar - that would defeat the spirit of what a gift is meant to be.
I've never had a close or personal relationship with anyone who had a personal assistant - so the issue has never arisen for me.
I've gone out with a guy a few times and we were planning another outing. Each time, he selected the location and made the reservations. I thought he was being really thoughtful the last time because he went out of his way to pick a venue close to where I was dropping off my kids and it was a very nice place. This time around, he told me he would take care of the planning and I thanked him because nobody has been that attentive before. He said it was his personal assistant doing the research and handling the booking. ... Well, you know me. I told him his personal assistant was awesome and asked if I could go out with her instead. lol Totally flew over his head.
I hate to be a brat, but that ruined it for me. He's not the "thoughtful" person I thought he was. I mean, sure, it's nice that it's taken care of, but it's not the same. And, I don't know if it should be. Maybe I should just be glad that he cares enough to have it taken care of, but it doesn't demonstrate the same level of thoughtfulness, IMO.
If someone's secretary sends flowers to me with a card written by someone, then no, of course not. If the card is obviously authored by someone even though the card is not in his hand, still OK. If it is an obvious staff-out it would mean less, and possibly be meaningless altogether.
It depends. How long have you two known one another and would this individual even think this would offend someone.
I think the thought counts and his personal assistant would not even know to gift you if it were not for the individual who wants to send you a gift. So, for that, I would be appreciative.
However, if this is a guy that you have bent over backward for and made sure you picked out a special, personal, meaningful token of love and he responds with the assistant taking care of the matter, that would rankle.
Well, to be fair, I intended the question to be general, not necessarily about my situation. I was mostly curious about what others thought of the concept.
But, in my case, not long. A matter of weeks. And, the question I asked a while back about dating someone who had never dated before was partially inspired by him. For whatever reason, I somehow wound up meeting two men (both older than me) who had never had a long-term girlfriend. This particular one says he's never gotten a second date. The other one's longest relationship was two months. BUT both are/were caregivers for their mothers, and I think you know how that goes, so I don't know that I can necessarily hold that against them. All that said, the guy has no personal dating experience, so he has no reason to know that it might bother someone... as far as I know. I mean, how else do you learn that besides experiencing it? And, to be fair, it's not like I've done anything for him. Nothing at all, really. I've shown up. lol Not really my A game. Shame on me.
It sounds like this guy is as busy as me. Here are my thoughts
No I would not take offense, the guy is being more than responsible. To have his admin take time is part of her job. She does the same thing with/for clients and actually may have an in with certain venues which are hard to get into. AKA I needed tickets to the opera which were impossible to get. My Admin had them in an hour, she got a gift certificate the next day.
You mean if, for instance, the Queen decided you should have the OBE, but the nose-in-the-air official who actually pinned it on you was so smarmy and superior you had to kick him in the knee to redress the balance, would there have been any niceness in the transaction? Gosh, give me a moment, I'll really have to think about that - a lot.
inky 