For most young adults, falling in love has little to do with reason. Youngsters rarely even choose - they just react in the moment and follow whatever happens.
"Choices" are made from a complex mix of factors. The gonads are the first and primary driver. They'll trick you into lust and romanticism at something as slight and inconsequential as the glance of an eye.
For a while when young, it doesn't hurt to play the field, learn a bit about how to be a good lover, discover just how different each person is at the intimate levels, and how much that matters.
But if you hope one day to have a long-term committed relationship, it pays not to fool around too long - because the best get recognised and snapped up quickly.
If you are certain that you never want kids, it's better to get snipped - otherwise, it's guaranteed that at some point there will be an accidental pregnancy. It's not uncommon for a woman to deceive - to say she's on the Pill or taking appropriate precautions when she isn't; she deliberately gets pregnant in order to hook and trap you. Snipping or condoms are the only reliable ways to prevent that kind of deception. Feigned or not, you have a responsibility to your progeny.
The unconscious is another factor. Most people will unknowingly feel attracted to a younger version of the parent of the opposite gender (or the same if gay.) But it goes further. Within the first 30 seconds of meeting, the unconscious has accurately summed up the potential dynamics of any future relationship. It feels drawn to whatever is most familiar - to the traits that will trigger the same dramas as occurred in the family of origin. According to some theories, we're attracted to the situations that give us an opportunity to learn and to heal. Couples interested in personal growth will use that to discover how to create a better relationship; couples that don't fall apart.
As we near maturity, we discover that emotions and unconscious attractions are often not the best basis for choice. Using reason in choice of partner can help avert a lot of suffering. Similarvalues and goals are the factors proven to make the greatest difference in the success of a relationship. Similar tastes help a lot too.
If you hope for kids, these factors become essential, necessary, vital - critically important. The right partner makes a world of difference in cooperative and functional parenting - in raising functional, healthy, happy kids. Women really do have a biological clock. The older a woman is the higher the rate of infertilities, miscarriages and disabilities. These events cause immense grief and suffering to all concerned.
Right now, you are like a young stallion looking at a herd of fillies. In the wild, the fillies can kick with devastating accuracy if the stallion makes an inappropriate move. In this way, he quickly learns how to recognise which ones want him and when.
With humans, it's not so easy. Few are as direct, open and honest as animals. Instead, we have to learn how to communicate well, and how to recognise and respect boundaries. It is a very complex social dance.
Wishing you all the best, :)
This post was edited by inky at September 19, 2019 3:38 PM MDT
Jon 