Interested in all answers irrespective of your chronological age.
Much truth in what you say.
I believe that a child who is not abused does grow up developing most of those qualities, but from my experience as a teacher in schools with widely diverse demographics I would assert that it is a matter of chance whether a child is born into a functional family.
As to ethics in children, research shows that this is strictly guided by developmental phases. At two a toddler develops the impulse to give. If at 4, a child can wait 20 minutes in order to receive a reward, that child will later grow up demonstrating patience and understanding of how to choose in order to attain a goal: conversely children who cannot pass this test at 4 tend to grow up with little capacity for self-restraint and have great difficulty learning it in later life. This is because the crucial developmental phase for that characteristic occurs between 2 and 4.
Children between 7 & 9 have what is called "concrete thinking" and fixed, stereotypical ethics. For instance, they have fixed black and white ideas of morals and appropriate behaviour absorbed mostly from their families of origin but also from TV and other societal norms. They do not understand or tolerate deviance from these norms and tend to be brutally rejecting of those children who do not conform. They can not understand the ethics that may apply in dilemmas or in situations that don't conform to norms.
Bullying in school playgrounds is such a major issue, due to its lasting effects on personality and functionality, that programs to deal with it are being developed and introduced into schools in most Western countries.
While what you have said above is true in an ideal situation, I can only conclude that you are living in a blessed social environment, and that whatever the people around you are doing, it should be recorded, studied, widely publicised, and adopted as the example for all to follow.
Everything about their birth is a matter of chance from the child's point of view.
I realize that psychologists love to have benchmarks for everything and categorize a child's development by age, but the reality is that children develop differently due to a multitude of factors that influence their development. Those factors may be in a plethora of different combinations and are different for each child, even among children within the same family. There are no "strict" rules about a child's emotional development.
Parents demand that children conform. Teachers demand that children conform. Society demands that children conform. Children who are given the freedom to develop as individuals and not labeled and categorized by age and other factors beyond their control tend to be more stable and well-adjusted adults.
What I said above is from years of observation of children in various situations, none of them "ideal".
acting like a mature person
Someone who is comfortable in their own skin.
Mmm - gut instinct is I agree. I will ruminate on that one. Thank you! :)
True - but what behaviours and actions show that a person is emotionally mature?
that would depend on what age the person is, no?
Yep.
We know what to expect of a 3 or a 12-year-old because we know the norms.
But when a kid of 12 or and adult of 25 has a temper tantrum about not getting their way, that is immature behaviour.
Some people succeed at maturing emotionally as the experience life. Others stay stuck and do not grow in their abilities and skills in handling life and relationships.
In older people we hope to find wisdom as the great accomplishment of all that experience and when we do we often say of them that they are emotionally mature. But what do we mean?
How does a mature person react to things like making a mistake, dealing with conflict or differences of opinion?
What are the specific qualities we see when we think of someone as mature?
responsible for your actions.
In part, I agree.
I've met unusually mature kids and some remarkably childish adults - but what do we mean when we think these thoughts?
I don't think it is just societal expectations because these variations occur across all cultures and can be seen throughout history.
I'm referring to natural stages in psychology -- there are norms one can see in brain development and cognitive function, and there are fairly common exceptions which are due to powerful emotional influences which can hasten or arrest development during critical phases.
If an employer advertises for a mature person to fill a position, the requirement does not ask for wrinkles and saggy bits - it refers to certain qualities of character desired because they are essential to being able to do the job.
So what qualities reflect emotional maturity?
Yep - I think that's a really big one. :)
Thank you!
A quiet serenity.
I would expect that in a Buddha. A kind of serenity that comes from accepting all feelings and change with equanimity. Yes, for me it would count as maturity, but I would guess probably far beyond what most of us are capable of attaining in one lifetime.
I had to study developmental psychology as part of my training to become a teacher.
Influential founders include Urie Bronfenbrenner, Erik Erikson, SIgmund Freud, Jean Piaget, Barbara Rogoff, Esther Thelen and Lev Vygotsky - so one could say that taken together they represent a European cultural bias. Certainly, with the mass of research and meta-studies stemming from theories, there is now ample physiological and neurological proof of developmental stages in a normally healthy child.
The Abhidhamma Sitaka is a Buddhist text which lists discoveries of mental processes from direct insight through meditation. It outlines maturity as the gradually developing result of consistent long-term practice of meditation. It lists the characteristics of maturity as patience, renunciation, generosity, loving-kindness, compassion, wisdom, diligence, ethical conduct, honesty, (and others.)
Amoung Aboriginals living a traditional life in the far north-west of Australia, maturity is marked by 12 stages of initiation, each marked by an increase in knowledge and responsibility with the elders accorded the highest levels.
I would assert that there is probably considerable overlap between different cultural ideas of maturity - with at least responsibility and wisdom tending to be commonly agreed traits.
But I freely acknowledge, I may be incorrect or mistaken in my views, and it could be that you are right Bozette.
...patience, renunciation, generosity, loving-kindness, compassion, wisdom, diligence, ethical conduct, honesty...
I could easily argue that these traits are often far more genuine in children than adults. Note that I am speaking primarily of small children here, it doesn't take long for adults today to taint the innate goodness I see in most kids.
*Patience: While we think of children, with their outbursts and whining and fidgeting as being anything but "patient", is that really true? Children's lives are so controlled by adults who have other things on their minds and frequently say things like "you can do ____ soon, you'll just have to wait for ____." Do adults not realize that that is not really appeasement, but it is essentially a test of endurance for children who may have nothing else to really occupy their minds while they wait? When an adult must wait for something, they still have all the mundane tasks of everyday living to occupy their attention in the interim, the child is often simlpy waiting with only thoughts of what they are looking forward to, and they have no control over the when, or even the if, of that outcome actually occuring. I have known parents who have repeatedly made such promises and repeatedly reneged on those promises.
*Renunciation: Children are often willing to give up things/activities they love if they sense that would help a situation. This is most often seen in situations where there are problems in the home, but it seems to be an instinctual reaction.
*Generosity: We often think of kids as being selfish, but left to themselves, they tend to display far more generosity than adults.
*Loving kindness and compassion: Again, this seems to me to come naturally to children.
*Wisdom: We think of wisdom as the result of years of experience, but a lot of kids display an innate wisdom, or perhaps wisdom learned hard and fast because everything in their short experience is so intense compared to that of adults.
*Dilligence: Ever say, or hear another parent or adult say something to the effect that a child has something in their head and just won't let go of the idea? Or watched a child build an elaborate sand castle or scrounge for materials to build a fort? Or seen a parent's resistance gradually give way to the persistent pleas of a child?
*Ethical conduct: Children seem to have an innate sense of right and wrong, perhaps not well-defined, but they do tend to realize on their own, without an adult's admonitions, when they have done something wrong.
*Honesty: Most children, often to their parent's dismay, are quite open and have a tendency to blurt out the truth. When confronted with something they have done, they may initially lie, though often with obvious discomfort and telltale signs, but they also often go and confess after a short time of worrying it in their minds.
...different cultural ideas of maturity - with at least responsibility and wisdom tending to be commonly agreed traits.
Responsibility and wisdom are assumed to come with age, yet often do not. That may vary greatly by the culture one is raised in. Overall, at least in western culture today, all too often I see the innate traits I spoke of above that are readily visible in most small children give way to selfishness and dishonesty that is behavior learned from parents, other adults, and the influence from our entertainment and a society based upon consumerism.
The cultural influences cannot be understated, imo. In western societies today we are far removed from such things, but there was a time when girls married and became mothers at 13, children worked long hours in factories or on farms, boys were sent to battle as young teens. I would say that those people likely displayed far more maturity, emotional and otherwise, at those young ages that many senior citizens today have ever exhibited. All of those things, unfortunately, still happen today in some parts of the world, but we in the west are largely insulated from those realities.
Good manners in a younger person gets my attention.
That they are not at all like me...;-D...
Old School -- The SKOS lives, we desperately need you to stand for election as president of aM on a platform supporting the arts, science, intellect, culture, and empathy. We would like you to stand in team with Margarite Matisse, the Beloved - but even if you choose to stand solo or with others, we need YOU.
Please announce your candidacy. You have the maturity, mind and responsibility that can help aM grow in size and quality.
Interesting notion - that good manners in a young person indicates maturity for their age.
I know of a girl who was trained to obedience from babyhood, whose manners were impeccable. Her father took advantage of her inability to say no or protest. Even before starting kindergarten, she gave adults the impression of being precociously grown-up and mature - and no one guessed the reason why until what happened was later discovered.
Of course, a single anecdote proves nothing.
It may be that good manners are a necessary part of being considerate of the feelings of others. They may reflect the empathy and responsibility that are perhaps essential components of maturity.
Thank you for your food for thought. :)
