Latest Ten

  •   I am as similar to you as two leaves on the same branch,  and yet on close inspection, I am the only one of me.  I am full of seemingly contradictory traits.  I am as full of paradox as you, as we all are;  it is the expect...
  • My roots suck nutrients  from the rot in the mud. Water is my world; it’s skin, the cloak to my depths.  I thirst for light. My young bud strove to open  in the pre-dawn gloaming, but shrunk in fear and closed  at ...
  • Thin Skinned   Step outside naked. Step out barefoot on the silky soft sod of the grass.  Step out to bare both sole and soul, to feel sun and breeze on the whispering skin.   But skin will not bear sunburn or goosebumps, bindi-ey...
  • Mud Suck Mind     Go fearward. On mud this mind is built. Thought formations float the surface, likely at any wrong step to sink stuck. A field of ideas like tall reeds dense packed, seed-heads reaching skyward, tethered by stems to roo...
  • If to write is to swim in surf…   If poetry is the beach of an infinite ocean, I have dipped my toes in the edges of waves, but not yet learned to swim.   I fear the undertow, the wave that turns me in somersaults, das...
  • “After Weeding”   My twenty-litre back-pack’s empty, all cleaned out and stashed in the shed. For nine hours along the north fence today,  I cut every seed-head, filled a twenty-kilo bag to later burn, and each clump, ea...
  • Descent   Using his sword, plunged in cunts, guts, and necks, Harold the Red conquered Brionne in Normandy, and became the duke or “Herr” that built a medieval fort and its court. His son was an Aide de Camp with a sword as W...
  • Time is very relative, and so is age. When there would be no mirror or no shining lake surface - the mirror of bygone times - and we would not be able to see our "aging" face, which means sagging skin folds and eye lids or brown spots and wrinkles, we wou...
  • Sometimes I reflect back, wondering how I got to here - with all the choices I made or could have made.  We seem to have the freedom and power to make and re-make ourselves in the direction of our choice. We humans can overcome extraordinary odds.&n...
  •   How intellectual he is! How amusing, hypnotising! How creative, tall and lean!   His barren marriage on the rocks, she left out her dutch cap, and took him in his cups.   Gassed out for fear of pain,  the wrinkled red baby ...

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Helping My Mother Understand

  • My mom was deemed "mentally incompetent" following her stroke. There are a million things that highlight this, like today, when her arm slipped under her seat belt strap and she couldn't figure out how to remove it.

     

    Or, like the fact that she swears people are stealing stuff from her room, but when I look for it, it's right where it's supposed to be.

     

    And, like the times when she lived with me and she'd wake up and insist that I moved all the furniture in her bedroom while she was sleeping. 

     

    And, when she'd wake up at 3am and insist that we slept in and demand her breakfast. I could show her that the moon was still up and she wouldn't accept it. I must have done something to make it dark outside.

     

    And, how she was offered free equine therapy, but refused to take it because they wanted her to start out in a cart and not on horseback because she couldn't sit up straight or sit up for more than 30 seconds without drifting to one side or the other. "They don't know what they're talking about," she said. "I may not be able to sit up in a chair, but I'm not going to fall off a horse."

     

    Despite all this, my mom doesn't realize she has limitations. Most of the time, I just bite my tongue, but the doctors all say she needs to accept her reality and learn to adapt to her new lifestyle. 

     

    These things aren't so bad, but my mom also refuses most forms of occupational therapy because she says none of it will matter when all her physical abilities go back to normal. 

     

    And, my mom keeps talking about how she is going to live on her own.

     

    And, my mom says she's going to get a dog and a house. 

     

    She's going to live with so-and-so (The name changes a lot, but it's often another family member or an old friend) until she's back on her feet. She doesn't mind sleeping on the sofa. 

     

    We have been through this 1,000 times. "Mom, who will dress you? Who will change you? Who will bathe you?"

    "So-and-so will." 

    "Mom, that's a big job."

    "Ok, I'll do it myself."

    "Why don't you do it yourself now?"

    "Oh, you just know everything, don't you?"

     

    Most of the time, it isn't so bad, but she gets combative and blames me for holding her back a lot. Today, my mom said she's getting a job. She's going to save up and move to another state where she will live with so-and-so (a woman who opened up a donation account in my mother's name a while back and then kept the funds for herself). 

     

    "Mom, you need a guardian. The court won't let you be without one and I can't be an effective guardian if you're out of state."

    "I have a plan. I have a checklist. I'm going to complete it and then I won't need a guardian anymore and then I'm going to go."

    "Ok, mom."