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Devil's Advocate
Randy D
welcome to the pleasuredome


Just Asking, Party of Five

  • There are some personal things I don't really talk about online and it's generally stuff that makes me emotional. I've been very absent lately, and the reason why falls into that category, but I'll explain why anyway.


    Some of you know me from another website, which I mostly disappeared from at the end of 2013. My departure was largely the result of a family crisis. My mom, who lived across the country, had a stroke. I spent several months traveling between my home in AZ and her bedside. At first, they didn't expect her to survive. Then, the prognosis was that she'd pretty much be a vegetable. As time passed, she started to come out of it more and more.


    She's still disabled. Cognitively, she comes and goes. She has little use of her left side and cannot perform self-care on her own, nor can she get in/out of bed, stand, walk, or do any of the things most of us take for granted. She has also been in a facility ever since her stoke, with very little interaction from the outside world. Her most recent facility wasn't taking good care of her and, as a result, she was hospitalized several times in December and January.


    Perhaps some of you who know me well are going "Aha!" It's probably no surprise to you that I made the arrangements and brought her home with me near the end of February. In some ways, it was an utterly foolish thing to do. I already work 60 hour weeks from home and I'm a single mom of three. Time was already an issue, and my mom requires around-the-clock care. 


    I'm not sure what the future holds- whether I'll be able to keep up with this long-term, or whether she'll develop more skills that will enable me to care for her more easily, but this is where we're at for now. The situation won't change overnight regardless, and I will probably be an infrequent flyer here on the Mug for a bit. I'm still here-ish, though, and I'm glad you guys are too. :)



  • Element 99
    Element 99
    You have done incredibly well Princess. I wish I had your energy.
    December 24, 2015

  • Pdqsailor
    Whoa that is tough.   My Aunt had a stroke and was living in an assisted care facility at the time, she was mentally all there, physically incapacitated, trapped in her body and it went on for FIVE years before she passed away.   It was VERY hard on my Cousin who had made space in her home for her before the stroke but it was just not possible to handle it working outside the home and with the level of care she needed.    Thing is it can happen to any of us - my own Mother is elderly, and in reasonably good shape but one moment and all that could change in a heartbeat.   It is not easy to find an appropriate way to care for our relatives.   
    March 30, 2016

  • Just Asking
    Just Asking
    Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful response. :)
    March 30, 2016

  • Silverwings
    Wow, that hurts my heart, to know that somebody with your kindness is so burdened down with soooo many response abilities , surely you can find another place that will do their job for your mother? My prayers are certainly with you, and I greatly admire you. God has to be with you, bearing you up. Thanks for being you!!
    April 6, 2016

  • Just Asking
    Just Asking
    Thank you. :)
    April 6, 2016

  • BlueNinja321
    Hey There JA, I think most who know you here (including myself) recognize that life takes precedence over anything that happens here at the Mug.  You not spending time here is quite understandable.  You are raising 3 kids on your own, working 60 hour weeks, and taking care of your mother.  AnswerMug pales in comparison to that.  We understand, and all of us wish you the very best.  My prayers go out to you and your family.  I think you are doing the best you can, given the circumstance.  On a side note, I think you might have sparked a new blog in me, which I will post here.  ;-) 
    March 18, 2015

  • Nietzsche's Eyes
    Nietzsche's Eyes
    I wish only good things for you and your family, JA.
    March 19, 2015

  • Mr. Inquisitive
    Mr. Inquisitive
    Prayers and positive energy to you and your mom and your kids.  I'd be vastly understating it to say that you've got it tough.   That's one huge bear to wrestle.  I hope you have some support there, as well.  It's so important.  Even a home health aide.  I wish you the very very best, JA!
    March 20, 2015

  • hassanfikry
    Prayers and positive energy to you and your mom.
    March 21, 2015

  • Just Asking
    Just Asking
    Thank you very much everyone. I appreciate the well-wishes. I'm presently battling the state to get her on disability services, but it looks like that will be several months away, if it ever happens. Until that comes, there won't be any help. At any rate, we're managing. She's doing a fair job of putting up with me, and I haven't abandoned her at the fire station yet. ;) 
    March 21, 2015

  • hassanfikry
    You are a good daughter JA. I hope all people are like you.
    March 22, 2015

  • tarek mohamed
    tarek mohamed
    I am sorry for that prayer for you and your mom
    March 24, 2015

    WOW JA.  I thought my situation was tough, but this story has far greater obstacles for you than I had to endure with my mom.    I was upset because she was failing mentally and would take it out on me.  But I had a secure home life and no children to worry about.   I look to this story as a lesson for me to buckle up and take what is being sent my way, now that my mom has passed.  I miss her every day and wish she was here in spite of how difficult it was while she was alive these last several years. I hope and pray that you get a lot of relief with the government and that things have cleared up for you as far as the burden you are carrying.   Like Karen, you are one heck of a role model.   I am very impressed with your character and endurance to do the right thing.   Amazing story from an amazing human.
    December 16, 2015

  • Just Asking
    Just Asking
    Thank you. We muddled through for just shy of six months, but she decided she wanted her "old life" back, and the challenges of continuous physical care proved to be a bit more difficult than I could keep up with. She moved to a residence, but at least it's better than the one she was at, and she gets a lot more interaction from the outside world.
    December 16, 2015

  • Element 99
    Element 99
    I am glad I am here to support my Princess. You have been a wonderful friend to me over the years and I am glad to be here with you
    December 17, 2015

  • Just Asking
    Just Asking
    Thank you E. *Hugs*
    December 17, 2015