Are you trusting enough to let hundreds of strangers write on your naked body? Are you brave enough to couch surf in the homes of strangers? These are a few of the things Amanda Palmer talks about doing in “The Art of Asking.” If you haven’t seen the TED Talk, it’s well worth the time.
While the core of Amanda’s message relates to allowing her fans to choose to pay for music, rather than forcing them to pay and punishing piracy, the heart of her message is about asking for what you need and trusting that people want to do what’s right.
The Art of Asking starts with Amanda’s story of how she began as a street performance artist; a living statue, to be more precise.
I had the most profound encounters with people, especially lonely people who looked like they hadn't talked to anyone in weeks, and we would get this beautiful moment of prolonged eye contact being allowed in a city street, and we would sort of fall in love a little bit. And my eyes would say -- "Thank you. I see you." And their eyes would say -- "Nobody ever sees me. Thank you."
As we engage in the Q&A, there are dozens of these beautiful moments shared every day. Each time we respond, we’re saying, “I see you.”
But, the darker side of Amanda’s story can also be seen from time to time.
I would get harassed sometimes. People would yell at me from their cars. "Get a job!" And I'd be, like, "This is my job." But it hurt, because it made me fear that I was somehow doing something un-joblike and unfair, shameful.
Each time we’re telling someone that they shouldn’t have asked a question or shouldn’t have responded, we’re shaming them. The difference is, we’re shaming them for doing the exact same thing we are, but somehow, that individual is unworthy of the same.
The connections Amanda made, though, they made it worthwhile. Long after she moved into a full-time music career, she continued staying close with her fans. In some ways, she was ostracized by the music community. After all, she broke from tradition. She stopped demanding money. Instead, she asked her fans for what she needed. She trusted in them to support her, and they did.
At answerMug, the behavior is largely the same. Each of us puts ourselves out there, trusting others to respond in kind. We ask questions that expand our minds, energize us, solve our problems, and entertain us. In doing so, we make ourselves vulnerable, but this is what enables us to make connections, and that is what keeps us coming back.
Our site model is based on the same ethos. We don’t force people to fit into a mold. We don’t cut people out because they don’t meet some obscure or arbitrary standards. We don’t issue demands. Instead, we accept everyone, and ask people to respect one another. We trust that you will.
I trust you this much. Should I? Show me.
In the past month or so, I have deleted an inordinate amount of comments, which were the equivalent of somebody yelling “get a job” from their cars. Each time I did so, I dropped a note in the individual’s inbox, and I simply asked for mindfulness. For the most part, the responses are usually positive, and people go on exchanging ideas and making connections. I see you. Thank you.
"I think when we really see each other, we want to help each other." -Amanda Palmer
