~
That’s sexy hair. It reminds me of the 1980s.
~
Telephone call:
*Ring, ring.
Lost and Found: Good evening, this is your local and generic Lost and Found office, how may I help you, please?
Randy D: Good evening, Miss, I’m calling to see if there are a mop and a bucket in there, please.
L&F: Excuse me?
RD: Well, I just want to know if you have a mop and a mop bucket there. Please.
L&F: Do you mean a mop and bucket for cleaning up around here, sir?
RD: No, no, no. I’m asking if anyone has turned in a mop and bucket.
L&F: Turned in?
RD: Yes, turned in as in they were found somewhere and have been turned in to you.
*Pause. L&F: A mop and a bucket.
RD: Yes, that’s right, a mop and bucket.
L&F: The kind for mopping up dirty floors?
RD: Yes, a regular old mop and bucket.
L&F: Sir, you realize that this is a lost and found, right?
RD: Yes, of course, that’s why I’m calling. A mop and bucket have been lost, and I’m checking to see if they’ve been found and turned in to you there.
L&F: A. Mop. And. A. Bucket.
RD: Yes, for the fifth time, a mop and a bucket. Why is that so strange?
*Pause. L&F: Er, um, I’ve never heard of anyone turning in a mop and bucket, much less even losing a mop and a bucket.
RD: Well, that’s what happened, Miss, they are lost, that’s why I’m calling the Lost and Found. It’s what you do there.
L&F: Okay, is this a radio show or something like that? Am I going to win a prize if I say the word of the day?
RD: No, I’m really looking for a lost mop and bucket. I’m not with any radio show.
L&F: Sir, how did you lose your mop and bucket? No one loses anything like that.
RD: They’re not mine.
L&F: Whoa, wait a second, what do you mean they’re not yours? Why are you looking for them if they’re not even yours?
RD: They belong to a friend of mine, she lives in Canada.
L&F: Oh, they belong to ‘a friend of yours’.
RD: Don’t say it like that!
L&F: Sir, we’re very busy here, I don’t have time for prank calls.
RD: Prank calls? I’m serious about this, I’m truly checking on my friend’s lost property!
*Pause. L&F: Your ‘friend in Canada’, right?
RD: There you go again! Don’t say it like that!
L&F: It’s just very hard to believe, that’s all. I’ve never heard of losing a mop and bucket, I’ve worked here for a long time and I’ve seen a lot of things get turned in, a lot of strange things even, but never a mop and bucket.
RD: Are you sure? You haven’t even checked. Can you punch it into the computer to see if maybe they were turned in on a different shift?
L&F: Who is this really?
RD: I’ve told you, I’m looking for a lost mop and bucket. Why won’t you believe me?
L&F: There’s no friend, is there? These are really yours, aren’t they?
RD: Hey!
L&F: If she really exists, why are you calling in her place, why isn’t she calling us?
RD: All the way from Canada?
L&F: Wait, where was she when she supposedly ‘lost’ these items? Here in San Diego, or in Canada?
RD: Canada. She’s never been here to California.
L&F: Are you sure you didn’t lose them yourself and you’re just embarrassed, sir?
RD: I‘m quite sure, Miss, my friend was sitting on her kitchen counter in Canada and couldn’t find her favorite mop and bucket. They’re not under the refrigerator, not on top of it, not behind it.
*Pause. L&F: Sir, have you ever spent time in a special hospital or clinic?
RD: Grrrrrrrr. People always ask me that! No, I’m not crazy!
L&F: Sir, I have to go. I told you before that we do not have time for joke calls.
RD: Wait, Miss. I guess the mop and bucket just aren’t there, right?
L&F: Right.
RD: Okay, I will look elsewhere, and I’ll tell my friend they’re not at your lost and found location.
L&F: Right, ‘your friend’.
RD: So I’ll check somewhere else.
L&F: Fine, and buena suerte. Please have a good night, sir.
RD: Wait, Miss, before you go . . .
L&F: Yes?
RD: You have a really nice voice, but I bet you hear that all the time. Listen, my name is Randy . . .
~
You’re welcome.
Replete with all the puns possible for making seasons blight!
Jaimie 