I read a comment somewhere about the merits of Manhood Training. It refers to opening doors for women, watching your language, and getting up from the table when a female joins. Do those actions.only serve to preserve an outdated "Southern Gentleman" attitude that perpetuates the view of women as weak and needing the protection and guidance of men. OR, Are they just signs of good manners and good family values, that should, if anything, not be done away with, but expanded to all, men and women?
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at October 9, 2016 10:16 PM MDT
This is the first time I've ever heard the the term.
I teach my son to open doors, stand out of respect, watch his language and be polite to everyone, male and female, child and adult. I don't think of it as manhood training so much as treating others with the same respect you'd like to receive in return.
We taught our only son the same things you did. It was to teach him respect to everybody. We also taught all 3 of our daughters to do the same: out of respect.
Thank you. Our 6 year old grandson will even open the doors or the elevator to the other residents in our complex. Most of our neighbors are surprised that he is so polite at an early age.
My great grandparents were the ones who taught it to me and my siblings, male and female, growing up. I don't have any daughters (factory's closed lol), but yes, I would too if I did.
The term I picked up here from a comment somewhere. I agree with your teachings. In my head. In my heart, I still subscribe to what I was taught. To be especially considerate and polite to women. I understand the intellectual arguments against my way. And how it is belittling to women, some may argue. But hey, it is what it is. Thank you Fork. I do appreciate your stoppIng by.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at October 9, 2016 9:10 PM MDT
Hello Lago. You may have seen me use the term recently in a question from Rosie about trumps latest remarks. I did use this term when raising my kids. I was, am a single father who raised a son and a daughter. Part of my son's "manhood training" was that he opened the door for his sister, to offer her the first seat and to always stand up for and protect her. It was every important that my son learned the qualities of a good man, standing up for that which is right and against that which is wrong. It was equally important that my daughter had good examples of good men in her life so that she could recognize the qualities when she met them. .
Yes D, I lifted the term from your response. I thought it was pretty clever. I hope you don't mind it too much. I was wondering when you'd see it. I grew up with a mother that made it very clear that disrespect toward her and my sister was a no go. I am particularly impressed with your comment on being an example. I try to act in the way she should expect and demand from the guy that she chooses to go out with. That's a point of view that you don't see too often. Thanks for the term, MANHOOD TRAINING, it's right on point.
I have always taught him not to be handsy with young ladies like he is with the boys he plays with, what is and isn't appropriate touching with males and females alike. Lol We've also had "the talk" and discussed what it means to be a gentleman, but not exclusively with females, generally speaking.
Actually, I think instilling these concepts is the intellectual way. People form conclusions based on our interactions and that doesn't mean we should cower to unspoken expectation, but it is a shame when those around us never get to see who we really are inside because we've taken on an in considerate demeanor by choice... I've noted that to him more than once. I totally understand where you're coming from :)
That's the big one right there my friend, To let everybody se wwhat we really are inside eh? I've always thought thats the goal of it all, what freedom really is. But thats another story. Thank you again for writing Fork. I truly appreciate it.
I agree leap of, I know manners was taught many decades ago in the schools. I thick I read somewhere that the sixties was the beginning of the end for that. Thank you pea pod for your response.
This is very timely, at least in my house. I agree with everyone here so far, I think. Kids should all learn manners and be opening doors, etc. My youngest is a 5-year-old boy and he often opens doors for me and others. My 8-year-old-daughter taught him "ladies first," to which I remind her that a true lady never demands, nor expects, special treatment. However, she should show gratitude when it's extended. She is also taught to be helpful and polite.
I think this comes down to teaching your kids how to behave in different circumstances. Young men can't be expected to bite their tongues when they're with classmates, even in a mixed group, but all kids should be aware that their conduct matters in many public situations, from dining out, to speaking with a cashier, or even having a conversation with a grandparent. They learn the proper decorum from watching their parents. So, "training" isn't necessary for an average person who gets any interaction with their parents. I don't see this as a weak/ strong battle. I have a "sturdy" build. I'm tall and, although have more of a feminine body, I'm not dainty. People in stores ask me to help grab things off the top shelf. When a car breaks down, I'll jump out of mine and help push the dead one to safety, etc. These things I wouldn't necessarily expect from a petite woman- they're not as capable as I am for these kinds of particular tasks. At the same time, my oldest son is a man now, and built as one. He's more equipped to help me move things around the house and handle laborious chores. I expect him to. My daughter is also expected to do the same- she's not helpless and neither am I (nor are the dainty ladies of the world), but the best-equipped person gets the job when they're available.
Why not a true woman, do you not think that the term lady brings with itself it's own connotations in terms of what a lady should be, as opposed to what a woman should be?
Yes. All women don't behave like ladies. Just like all fathers aren't dads and all mothers aren't moms. All men are not gentlemen. There's no effort in being a woman, unless you're a man trying to convert, but that's a whole different issue.
I see. I'll think more on it. I understand. There's just something about the term lady that strikes me as archaic in terms of the way a woman is supposed to present herself or behave. Subservient to men, or as if she was hard charging and in charge, it wouldn't be lady like. It sort of take the choice of how to be, away, by giving the girl a recipe of manners and approved behaviors. No?
ForkNdaRoad 