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Sorry, sir, but your lack of proper ending punctuation disturbs us here at Randall Laundering Industries, and we exercise our right to refuse service. Please take your smelly towel and hit the bricks, pal! Scram!
Grrrrrrr.
To: RLI
Re: Missing punctuation
Dear sirs:
Your company was highly recommended by many of my friends. That is why I chose you for taking care of my current needs. To ensure that there will be enough punctuation for future generations, I'm starting to use pre-owned punctuation (recycle/reuse). Since I have no idea where the punctuation marks were used last, I thought it best to have them professionally cleaned before reusing them. For all I know they could have been used on some very nasty sentences. I’m sure no one wants their children looking at smutty punctuation marks.
Since punctuation marks are quite small, I carefully wrapped the ones I had in a towel (the one I brought to your company) so they wouldn’t fall out and end up homeless on the streets. After all, the streets are no place for punctuation marks. I’ve seen what street life can do to punctuation and it isn’t pretty. Why, I’ve seen exclamation marks so strung out on drugs that one couldn’t tell them apart from a question mark. Anyway, as I was writing I ran out of periods. All I had left were the pre-owned ones. So you see, the missing mark was actually inside the towel.
I'm sorry for any misunderstanding.
I would very much like to continue using RLI for my laundering needs. I just purchased a bag of pre-owned exclamation marks, and I would like to have them professionally laundered. Odds are that most of them (if not all) were last used in a rather, shall we say, "fervent" manner... if you know what I mean.
Sincerely,
Shuhak
(((((Pssssst, you wouldn’t happen to have a large supply of tildes hanging around, would you? I can pay top dollar . . . shhhhhhhh, not so loud, HR has eyes and ears everywhere! Meet me by the docks after 11 o’clock tonight, and make sure you’re not followed. In case anyone asks you, this conversation never took place, you and I don’t know each other, and you won the money after scratching the daily triple on a lottery ticket.)))))
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Shuhak 
