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Discussion » Questions » Outside the Mug » Why do some people think it’s strange that I have strange one-way doors and weird locking devices in my basement? Doesn’t EVERYONE? ~
Randy D

Why do some people think it’s strange that I have strange one-way doors and weird locking devices in my basement? Doesn’t EVERYONE? ~

 

Posted - December 20, 2020
Tags : None

Responses


  • 10643
    Not hardly.  The Rest of us have useful things in our basements, like whips, ropes, handcuffs, ...
      December 20, 2020 10:38 PM MST
    1

  • 53509

     

    [This is the 911 Dispatcher, what is your emergency, please?]

    [My name is Randy D Randolph, but please don’t write that down; I want this to be an anonymous call.]

    [Sir, if you want it to be anonymous, you don’t say your name.]

    [That‘s not important right now, I need the police department to send a couple of officers to investigate a suspicious person.]

    [Let me guess, you’re turning yourself in, is that it?]

    [Very funny, you should have your own radio show so that I can turn it off whenever I want to. No, I’m calling to report this Shuhak guy, he’s got some kind of torture chamber going on over at his place.]

    [And how recently did you escape from it, sir?]

    [There you go again, is that what they pay you to do?]

    [Shuhak doesn’t even sound like a real name, is this a prank call?]

    [I bet he has victims stashed in there right now! Send someone quickly!]

    [Theres no way he could squeeze just one more on there, you, perhaps?]

    [I didn’t call here for all this abuse!]

    [Where do you usually call to be abused? I may know someone who can take over.]

    [I wonder if there’s a reward. Go ahead and take my name so a brutha can get paid.]

    [listen, pal, I get off duty in three minutes, how about if we pretend you haven’t called yet, we both hang up, and then you call right back in five minutes?]

    [Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.]

    [Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.]

    ~

      December 20, 2020 11:56 PM MST
    1

  • 10643
    Me thinks your mind is in the gutter.

    Leather whips are good for supporting trees (wet leather is very strong).
    Ropes are good for tying down loads when one goes to the dump ($10,000 fine for littering).
    Handcuffs are good for securing bins to a ladder when picking fruit (bruised fruit rots quicker). 
    Abusing 911 can get you a $1,000 fine and up to 1 year in county jail (leather chaps are more comfortable than an orange jumpsuit).

      December 21, 2020 12:26 PM MST
    2

  • 53509

     

      [Can you please have those officers hurry, 911? This Shuhak guy is already forming an alibi, albeit a weak one. I can hear screaming coming from over there.]

    [You’re still on the line? Hang up already!]

    ~

      December 21, 2020 1:01 PM MST
    1

  • 10643
    Did I mention I also have donuts in my basement?  (try the glazed ones, officer)
      December 21, 2020 1:14 PM MST
    2

  • 4624
    Hmm - one way doors could be revolving doors, fire exits, or like humane cat traps or like valves which permit flow only in one direction.

    Perhaps Randy has an eccentric hobby. Perhaps the creation of tildes only works in one direction. Or perhaps it's designed so sammiches can be made and delivered but never returned to the fridge. Or maybe it's so his lovely paramours cannot see each other as one exits while the other arrives.

    The weird locks defeat his wife's formidable investigative powers.

    No. If people have basements, I'd reckon most of them have only one or two ways out and standard locks to keep out standard crooks. Come to think of it, maybe the weird locks are an excellent idea. Too many people love tildas.


      December 21, 2020 1:11 AM MST
    1

  • 53509

     

      Folks, I believe that I have just found my new defense attorney. All calls and messages, especially summons, lawsuits, criminal complaints, subpoenas and other such court filings, must all be forwarded to her secretarial staff. No comment. 

     

    ~

      December 21, 2020 8:43 AM MST
    1

  • 4624
    Sir, you may be a scallywag, but your jokes and pranks cause no harm and need no defence.

    Thanks for best pick! :)
      December 21, 2020 1:25 PM MST
    1

  • 8214
    The moral of this story is "stay out of Randy's basement."
      December 21, 2020 6:11 AM MST
    1

  • 53509

      Hey, that’s just plain crazy talk! Those sandwiches aren’t going to make themselves, you know! Grrrrrrr. 


    ~

      December 21, 2020 8:33 AM MST
    0