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Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Single people: you meet someone with whom you’re considering a serious relationship, the issue as to whether or not he/she has children

Single people: you meet someone with whom you’re considering a serious relationship, the issue as to whether or not he/she has children

comes up. This is possibly in the very first conversation you have with the person, or it may be later on down the line. Is there a particular number of children, if any, he or she already has that would be a deal-breaker for you? The person’s children, if any, can either be minors, adults, or combinations of minors and adults. This question is only concerning the number of children, with the understanding that the overall decision to date someone includes many, many other factors. See poll choices below.












a. Yes, five or more children are too many, I would not move forward. 

b. No, even five or more children are fine with me, that would not be a deal-breaker.

c. Yes, four children are too many, I would not move forward.

d. No, four children are fine with me, that would not be a deal-breaker.

e. Yes, three children are too many, I would not move forward.

f. No, two children are fine with me, that would not be a deal-breaker.

g. Yes, two children are too many, I would not move forward.

h. No, one children is fine with me, that would not be a deal-breaker.

i. Yes, one child is too many, I would not move forward.

j.  No, one child is fine with me, that would not be a deal-breaker.

k. Yes, he/she not having any children is too few, I would not move forward.

l.  No, he/she not having any children already is fine with me, that would not be a deal-breaker.

~


Posted - March 21, 2021

Responses


  • 19937
    At my age, anyone with whom I would consider a serious relationship would have adult children who are most likely married, so there would be grandchildren.  Therefore, there wouldn't be any issues.
      March 21, 2021 2:42 PM MDT
    2

  • 10052
    I think this is a trick question. I would certainly know him well enough to know if he has children and how many before I'd consider a serious relationship. 

    M - I'd be more concerned with the number of baby mamas than babies! 

      March 21, 2021 3:53 PM MDT
    2

  • 53509

    Why do you think it’s a trick question?


    ~

      March 21, 2021 6:47 PM MDT
    1

  • 10052
    Because I would think that most if not all people would know that sort of basic info about a person they're considering a serious relationship with? 

    Maybe that's just me? 
      March 22, 2021 3:37 PM MDT
    1

  • 53509

    The premise is that as the two are in the process of getting to know each other, especially if it’s at the stage of considering a more serious level of relationship, it’s the type of information that would most likely come up on their conversations. I did not mean that either party would attempt telepathy or mindreading in order to guess about children. 

      (Why are you the only one so far who read the post that way?)

    __

      March 22, 2021 4:11 PM MDT
    1

  • 10052
    I really overthought this one, I think. 

    I was just going to say: 

    B,D,F,H,J,L

    Then I thought, "why wouldn't someone who is considering a serious relationship with someone not already know if they have children and how many"? I can't imagine that not coming up in an initial conversation. 

    Then I started thinking about baby mamas, and how that's what I'd really be concerned about, not the number of children. I would be concerned if someone had children with more than 1 or possibly 2 women. Not necessarily a complete deal breaker, but a bit of a yellow flag. 

    I'm the only one who read into the post that way because I'm me. 

      March 22, 2021 4:30 PM MDT
    1

  • 53509

      Randall to the therapist: “I’m torn, I really am torn. On one hand, Ansley is so intelligent, sharp, eclectic, articulate, enthralling, with it, cool, witty, fun, funny, down-to-earth, unpretentious, real, charming, interesting, alluring, warm, friendly, . . . ”

      Therapist: “Why did you stop? I’m listening, please go on.”

      Randall: “ . . . well, on the other hand, she’s just so kooky! She’s so much like me that it’s downright eerie! Even if I tried to, I just can’t resist this woman! Arrrggghhh!”
    ~

      March 22, 2021 5:01 PM MDT
    1

  • 53509

    ~

      March 22, 2021 5:17 PM MDT
    1

  • 10052
    It's medication time here, too.  
      March 23, 2021 6:33 PM MDT
    1

  • 8214
    How many children are we talking about?  At my age, children are not a problem unless there is a baby momma that comes with the child.  Then we need to talk. 
      March 21, 2021 4:06 PM MDT
    1

  • 53509

     

    How many children are we talking about?

    Er, um, isn’t that exactly what you’re being asked to ascertain in answering the question???
    —-

      March 21, 2021 6:46 PM MDT
    0

  • 8214
    I would love being a Mom to a large family, no matter how many kids there are.
      March 21, 2021 6:54 PM MDT
    1

  • 17593
    One
      March 21, 2021 5:14 PM MDT
    0

  • 53509
    h. No, one children is fine with me, that would not be a deal-breaker.

    i. Yes, one child is too many, I would not move forward.
      March 21, 2021 6:59 PM MDT
    0

  • m.  He's breathing. Yes

    n.  He has a pulse.  Yes

    That checks all of the boxes.
      March 21, 2021 8:25 PM MDT
    2

  • 53509

    Lol!

    ~

      March 21, 2021 8:52 PM MDT
    2

  • 423
    Children have accidents or get kidnapped all the time - fact of life.
      March 22, 2021 6:42 AM MDT
    1

  • 10052
    Wow, that's dark. And true. 
      March 22, 2021 3:39 PM MDT
    0

  • 53509

     

      That does not even begin to get close to resembling anything near to an answer to the question as is was asked. 

      March 22, 2021 4:07 PM MDT
    1

  • 10052
    Well, in a round about way, I think it does, Randy. I think it does. 


    This post was edited by SavvyAnsley at March 22, 2021 4:31 PM MDT
      March 22, 2021 4:13 PM MDT
    0

  • 53509

     

      I don’t dispute that the myriad of things that do and might happen to minor children (and in reality can happen to any person at any time in his or her life regardless of age) are the types of things that one takes into consideration, but the reason I put:

    That does not even begin to get close to resembling anything near to an answer to the question as is was asked. 

    is that I had already anticipated ancillary points might be raised, as evidenced by what I included in the description field:

    This question is only concerning the number of children, with the understanding that the overall decision to date someone includes many, many other factors

    As such, I sought a balance between assumptions that the importance of other issues surrounding the overall issue would be diminished if left unaddressed, and branching out on zillions of tangents that would detract from the poll. There is absolutely no way that all of the pertinent elements of concern when a relationship begins could be covered in one string of Q&A, so I wanted to keep a focus aimed in a single direction. By bringing up his points, Stemmata went far into left field. While his points are true, he didn’t tie them to any answer that has to do with the question. It’s almost as saying a shirt that one plans to wear at a date costs about the same as the entrees. 
    ~

      March 22, 2021 6:00 PM MDT
    1

  • 10052
    I understand. 

    I took it to mean that he/she wouldn't care at all because if he/she didn't feel okay with the number of kids she/he had, something like an accident or a kidnapping would take care of that on either end of the spectrum. 

    - Too many kids? Accidents happen... no problem. 
    - Not enough kids? Kidnap one or more until you get to the desired number... no problem. 

    I thought it was a humorous reply, albeit dark. Dark and funny. (To me). 
      March 23, 2021 6:30 PM MDT
    0

  • 6098
    I was single for many years and never met anyone who tried to hide his children. Usually that is one of the first things you learn about a person!  I must say I think it rather gratuitous to try and limit the number of children anyone can have. It is like OK I want this and that and the other thing and if I don't get them then it is off the bus for you.  You meet someone you like and things develop and how could you cut them off because they don't have your ideal number of children? I suppose there are people who think in those ways and perhaps I know some of them but really I've never heard that discussed. 
      March 22, 2021 8:27 PM MDT
    1

  • 53509

    Who said anything about hiding children, or even hiding any information at all?
    who said anything about limiting the number of children anyone has? The post is about how many children the other person already has, and how many children you are comfortable with or not comfortable with if you were to continue into a more serious step in the relationship. It’s not about an ideal number of children.

    Seriously, I think if you were EVER to A) read a question just the way it’s written, B) understand what you have just read, and then C) post an answer that actually follows the conversation, I would probably clutch my heart as cardiac arrest takes me over in complete shock. It’s really a shame, too, because with your high level of intelligence, none of this tangent-running makes sense. 

    In short, you have obviously failed to capture the gist of this discussion. 

      March 23, 2021 7:00 PM MDT
    1