“I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to my youth, memory, good figure, and/or teeth, of whom or which I have heretofore have so enjoyed; that I will spoil any grandchildren I may have at my discretion, take a nap anytime and anywhere, sit on my butt all day and watch TV - especially reruns of shows that have been off the air for at least 40+ years and game shows, and defend my lawn against all whippersnappers - both foreign and domestic - who may try to walk on it; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to bingo night... unless it coincides with Family Feud; that I will no longer bare my arms, but wear at least 3 sweaters anytime the temperature drops below 95 F, (97 F in summer); that I will cease to “perform” in the bedroom (or anywhere else); that I relinquish all control over my bladder (day and night), and that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me Depends.”
Congratulations! You are now an official Senior Citizen.