I could probably beat up a fully grown male chimpanzee because I know a few fighting tricks. I would just point behind him and say - oh look a banana. And then when he looks I would kick him in his package. Cheers and happy weekend!
I have a similar self defence move that I use on my wife. When she gets mad at me I will point behind her and say - oh look a 75% off sale and when she looks I will run away. Cheers!