Why are you (or why would you be) secretly sending money to Randy D?

Detectives, I swear to you on my mother’s gravy* that I’m not involved in any illegal activity (any more), I don’t know anything about any money-laundering scheme, I’ve never met nor consorted with anyone named Shuhak, by the way, I couldn’t tell if that’s a man or a woman, I’ve never even heard that name before. It sounds made up, in my opinion. These so-called clues and tips you’re investigating are tainted because jealous liars and enviable envious rumor-mongers hover around the police station begging for snitch money.  Someone is telling lies and trying to drag my good name through the dirt by ruining my stellar reputation! I demand to face my accusers, I demand justice, I demand an inquiry, I demand satisfaction, I dema….oh, the packets of money have my fingerprints all over them, there are three hours of videotapes showing me meeting with Shuhak many times while he was wearing a wire for you, and you have sworn affidavits from eight outstanding citizens who testify to eyewitness accounts of my involvement?  Listen, I was just getting ready to tell you all about that stuff, you never gave me a chance! I can explain all of it, I’m telling you, I can explain!

*Her turkey gravy is quite delicious, you see.
~ This post was edited by Randy D at December 6, 2021 7:59 PM MST

 

  Let’s negotiate a fair market deal here. 

(It’s a win-win for me, folks! I’m so happy!)

  Thank you. Your admission is duly noted. 

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Why you dirty rat! You grassed on me?

 

  That must be an Australianism; I’m unfamiliar with it.
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Brit too. We speak England-ish.

  Yes (wink), you’re absolutely correct (wink) about that, I would not (wink) ever give or receive (wink) such a payment, that’s against everything (wink) I stand for and believe (wink, wink, wink). Say, there are no consecutive serial numbers or marked bills in there, right?  (Cough, cough.)
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