I recently made this decision with a family member that just was causing a lot of unnecessary drama and hurt. She lives across country, so the tie I broke off was with social media where we always used to share our lives with each other. The recent death of our mother seem to pull us apart instead of bringing us closer. I admit to being horribly sad about all this since I loved her very much, but I couldn't go on being someone she seem to want to hurt for reasons I don't understand. We do have a history of being estranged from each other before, with her usually being the one to stop talking for petty reasons never known until years later. I realized I can't keep chasing her down to figure out what is up with her.
Care to share your own experience?
I hear your sadness.
Perhaps you will make it up one day.
In my case the split is permanent.
My sister first got into trouble with the law when she was 18. The judge ordered that she have a psychiatric assessment and it turned out that she had Borderline Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This is not so rare for disturbed teenagers and some grow out of it.
A pattern developed in which she would ask for a favour, and then just as I was doing as agreed, she’d up the ante, ask for something beyond possible, and then become violently enraged when I said no. This would lead to me leaving and avoiding her for months. Then she would return, be incredibly charming, and the cycle began again.
Her attempts at friendships with others consistently ended in disasters.
She did the same with my mother. Between them, this pattern led indirectly to the negligent drowning of my two and a half year old niece. I was not there when it happened.
Eventually, in an attempt at family reconciliation, we went to an experienced psychologist.
After interviewing us all separately, and several sessions with us all together, she asked to see my mother and I privately. She explained that my sister had Borderline Narcissistic Personality Disorder – that this condition was next to impossible to cure because part of it involves the belief that whatever goes wrong it is always someone’s else’s fault. She explained that my sister’s condition was potentially dangerous and that the safest course for us would be complete separation.
My mother was unable to do this, and later it did prove disastrous, twice and in different ways. It took police, hospital, psychiatrists and months of interventions to resolve each situation.
Since my mother died, I no longer have any contact with my sister, and life has become far more peaceful.
Some sibling situations are solvable – others are not.
I wish you well, Peapod, in which ever way it turns out.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 5, 2016 6:27 PM MDT
Bozette 