Discussion » Questions » Family » Do you feel any obligation to take care of your parents/in-laws if or when they are too old to be on their own?
RosieG

Do you feel any obligation to take care of your parents/in-laws if or when they are too old to be on their own?

Would you invite them to live with you? If you had the land would you invite them to put a mobile home on it and live there? Parents are obligated to care for their children. Children do not ask to be born. Are children obligated to take care of their parents in return? Why?

Posted - November 28, 2016
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Responses


  • 7795
    Both my parents need me and I'll be there for them whenever possible for as long as possible. This post was edited by Zack at November 29, 2016 10:51 AM MST
      November 29, 2016 10:48 AM MST
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  • 1326
    Part of showing honor to your father and mother is looking out for them in their old age. yet i don't think the load should rest on only one child. if there are several the work should be shared. 
      November 29, 2016 10:39 PM MST
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  • 3934
    @Autl -- That's a nice ideal. In the real world, what sometimes happens (I don't know how often) is the multiple children work at cross-purposes and/or end up fighting each other over how the elderly should be cared for.

    I am fortunate insofar as my siblings and I are mostly in agreement on how we should handle things, but I'm aware of other families where severe disagreements occurred.

    Under circumstances where sibling friction is high, it might be best for a single caregiver to take charge.
      November 29, 2016 10:44 PM MST
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  • 113301
    Some situations are better-served by the child who can do the job better Autumn.  In our case my brother-in-law was retired and my sister worked. I was single and had a job. My mom could not be left alone and we could not afford to hire a caregiver. So mom lived with them because my brother-in-law could be home all day and watch over her. All things being equal I would agree with you. But when they're unequal I think whomever can do the best job and is willing to take it on should. Thank you for your reply and Happy Wednesday! :)
      November 30, 2016 2:34 AM MST
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  • 1326
    So true, i didn't mean the work should be evenly split. I think each one should do the best to their ability. I am in that situation right now, and as bad as i feel, I can only do so much. you have a great Thursday!!
      November 30, 2016 11:30 PM MST
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  • 113301
    Precisely m'dear. We do what we can do and some of us are able to do more than others. Thank you for your additional comment Autumn and Happy Thursday to you too! :)
      December 1, 2016 2:40 AM MST
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  • 1326
    You're so right. how great you are all in agreement and have such cooperative family, you are truly blessed! God will bless you for such loyalty.
      November 29, 2016 11:32 PM MST
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  • 3934
    @Autl -- Thank you for your kind wishes.

    We're doing the best we can.
      November 30, 2016 12:18 AM MST
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  • 3463
    Been there done that. They are all gone now.
    I lived with my mother so I could take care of her and I would give anything to have her back. She was my buddy.
      November 30, 2016 12:14 PM MST
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  • 3375
    This can be a very hard issue for any adult child that ever had abusive parents that continues the abuse in older age.  But yes, I think it's certainly the right thing to do to ensure they have access to help if you cannot personally take them in.  If you come from a fractured family, don't be surprised how quickly your siblings may jump ship.

    I was left with the care of both my parents in the very end and I never regretted it.  My Mom and I struggled for years to get along.  She was a very difficult person in general and even in her declining health, she demanded things done her way.  But somewhere in there when she got really sick, she showed me love and compassion that I had never seen before.  She shared a lot of her past and we talked about things we never did before.  Then she suddenly died.  I was so grateful that she made sure that I knew what I meant to her.  I was able to share the same.


      November 30, 2016 12:48 PM MST
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  • 3463
    My mother and I were on a very rocky road for many years too. But we mended our fences and became best friends.
    I am happy that you and your mother could do the same.
      November 30, 2016 1:02 PM MST
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  • 3375
    It was something I had never expected.  As difficult as she could be, she always had a humility about her that I admired.  I think she realized how hard it had been for me.  She also knew what I had gone through with my dad who was cranky and demanding to the very end.  Her final gift to me is something I will always treasure.
      November 30, 2016 1:16 PM MST
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