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Benedict Arnold

Dry jokes...

A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Dry?"

The German replies, "Nein, just one."

"Drei"-pronounced "dry"—is German for "three". "Nein"-pronounced "nine"—is German for "No". "Dieser Witz stinkt" is German for "This joke stinks".

Good one? Bad one? I was told I have a dry humour. I went looking for a dry joke that would make me laugh. This one did, then again...I speak both languages...

What's your best dry joke? (Keep it sober, we are in the main room).

Posted - July 5, 2016
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Responses


  • 13395
    A baby seal walks into a club.. oops no good.

    A guy walks into a bar gets his drink then soon needs a washroom. None to be found on the ground floor so he goes upstairs but no washroom there. He sees a hole like in the floor so he does his business there then goes back downstairs. The bar is vacated, asks the bartender "where did everyone go"?
    Bartender says "where were you when the shit hit the fan"? I guess the bar must've stayed dry for a while.
      July 5, 2016 11:24 AM MDT
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  • 17261
    Oh my. Lol. I guess so, very dry!!
      July 5, 2016 2:36 PM MDT
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  • 386
      July 5, 2016 4:51 PM MDT
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  • 17261
    Oh it was part of the joke as I found it. I kind of found the Dieser Witz stinkt quite funny too. ;-)
      July 5, 2016 5:06 PM MDT
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  • 44622

    Deutche Volk don't drink Martinis.

      July 5, 2016 6:11 PM MDT
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  • 1264

    When he says one, he should of said eins.

      July 5, 2016 6:29 PM MDT
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  • 489
    Hahahahahahaha :D
      July 5, 2016 6:38 PM MDT
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  • 17261
    "Das deutsche Volk". Yes, some of them do. Cheers.
      July 5, 2016 9:36 PM MDT
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  • 17261
    *joins the slow clap*

    Hahaha.
      July 5, 2016 9:37 PM MDT
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  • Ahhh!! That's MY joke!!  Been telling it for decades!  You beat me to it...I tell it better though :-P :-P

      July 5, 2016 9:42 PM MDT
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  • 17261
    Wrong. It will never be "eins" no matter the gender or case. ;-)
      July 5, 2016 9:46 PM MDT
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  • 17261
    What happened to "Keep it sober, we are in the main room"?
      July 5, 2016 9:49 PM MDT
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  • 17261
    I'm listening. :-)
      July 5, 2016 9:50 PM MDT
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  • It's a pun rather than a joke.  And it's in Latin.  But I still like it.

    'Peccavi'.

      July 6, 2016 5:19 AM MDT
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  • 17261
    "I have sinned"

    Right that might qualify more for a pun than a joke.
      July 6, 2016 6:59 AM MDT
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  • ahh well it's ruined now :-(

      July 6, 2016 11:12 AM MDT
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  • 17261
    Oomph. :-(
      July 6, 2016 11:13 AM MDT
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  • I think of another one...I'll get back to you ;-)

      July 6, 2016 11:14 AM MDT
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  • 17261
    Aww. Thank you so much!! Yay!!
      July 6, 2016 11:52 AM MDT
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  • It was attributed incorrectly to Charles Napier by the magazine Punch in the 1840s.  It was actually penned by Caroline Winkorth and was a response to Napier's unlawful and excessive activities when subduing the rebellious province of Sindh (now part of Pakistan).

    So, both a clever and cutting comment.  From a woman.  On a 'military matter'.  In the middle of the 19th century.  What's not to love?  :)

      July 6, 2016 12:02 PM MDT
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  • 17261
    Thanks sharing this. It makes it a lovely pun, indeed. :-)
      July 6, 2016 12:16 PM MDT
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