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Discussion » Questions » Emotions » How could one convince themselves that love is natural or a reason they deserve it?
Baybreeze

How could one convince themselves that love is natural or a reason they deserve it?

I have had an anxiety disorder for 10 years, symptoms of PTSD and never dated- I feel low in self confidence, so much that most guys who have asked me out I've declined, for fear of rejection, or them seeing the damaged, broken 'me'.  Some days I didn't even 'have' a me. So how could one convince themselves that love just might be an option, without fear..? Because of years of severe emotional abuse (and some physical) I feel I simply do not deserve real love, or that it would leave in an instant anyway- what reasons are there for someone deserving, embracing, and wanting love?

Posted - December 16, 2016
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Responses


  • 5808
    Love is the essence of life.
    ...within you is a deeper love than you have 
    experienced so far.
    ...within you is a oneness of love 
    that permeates all of life...
    ...you need nothing more.


    This post was edited by Baba at December 17, 2016 12:19 AM MST
      December 16, 2016 11:39 PM MST
    1

  • 5354
    I suspect it will be different for most everyone.

    popular romance stories set up an impossible ideal that I dont think happen to very many people. If anyone believe in it, it will probably be an obtacle to their 'finding love'.
      December 17, 2016 12:00 AM MST
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  • This is going to sound harsh and may be a difficult pill to swallow.

    You have to love yourself first.  If you don't love yourself first you aren't going to be able to be truly loved.  It's not a matter of deserving it or not. That factor doesn't really exist.  What it is, is what it be.   That if you don't learn to love yourself first that others cannot give you love as you are not going to able to take it.  You wont be able to experience it.  Love has to be a shared experience and not just reciprocated.  To love someone else and for them to love you, one also has to share the experience of loving themselves.  That's what it means to love each other.  It doesn't just mean each loves the other. They love themselves too.  You have to be in love with two people.  The other, and yourself.   No matter how much they want you or you want them.
    What you or no one else deserves is to have there own sense of self worth and love for oneself taken away from them or trampled on.  No one deserves to have that stolen from them.  You deserve a chance to regain that.

    You're in a grave situation and all hopes are you somehow and some way overcome it.  The blame is not yours  for the hard road you have to walk down.
      December 17, 2016 3:19 AM MST
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  • 1138
    Thank you Glis. This means a lot to me, how much you wrote, and with sincerity too. I think it is very true what you say; love YOU first. (that is the main denomination of the relationship right? yourself.... ) I am trying, each day to truly like and love ME. The VERY hard part about it is, I felt there wasn't EVEN a 'me'. I mean, since I was six, I began to please people ANY way , every day, in order to feel any sort of acceptance. I was mocked, belittled, physically hit/shoved, screamed at,  and guilted or shamed, nearly every day for 30 years now. I have had to live with two very abusive parents, b/c of PTSD for last few years, and finances. So, when I try to love 'me', I think, well i'm kind, very patient, loving, but then the subconscious TRIES to still say, in some way, they are right; you are incapable, y ou are not worthy, you are low. And then i think what guy would want someone who has had anxiety in cars, in social situations, and never dated? I know some have said a GOOD guy would , but, maybe they are rare :/ Thank you so much for your reply in saying it is not my blame for this road.... Hugggggg.
      December 17, 2016 11:30 AM MST
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