Active Now

Flint Ironstag
Discussion » Questions » Family » Do you ever feel badly about not talking to an aunt/uncle/cousin etc?
Baybreeze

Do you ever feel badly about not talking to an aunt/uncle/cousin etc?

Guess I'm on a family theme today... my aunt will be visiting my state soon, and I have never ever clicked with her. She has been very rude to me in the past, degrading almost, and then acts all happy go lucky the next minute. On the night of my grandfather's wake, I asked her where she was going to dinner afterward , and she muttered something completely inaudible while walking away from me. I was really astounded. So I never went w/family that night out for dinner- went to write his eulogy.  She never spoke up to my abusive mother , or really told her to not treat me so badly, and she jsut overall does not give me an easy feeling.. she judges people, and is moody. I have not spoken to her all year, nor replied to her email earlier this year... now I feel badly, but should I? I feel badly or guilty over anything b/c I was raised to always no matter what, put someone else first, that my thoughts didn't matter. Literally, my mother would say, 'I don't freakin care what you have to say..' :/  So I don't know how to be when she visits my mom (who I am living with ) I  am an adult and know I can choose who to be around, but she'll make me feel guilty (maybe ) for not seeing her if I don't... I am unsure what to do or feel....

Posted - December 20, 2016
Tags : None

Responses


  • I didn't read all your discription cos my attention span is NOT AWESOME ;)  so I dont know if this helps ... but nah .... I never feel bad about not talking to someone anymore... I used to fake give a faak about people I really don't give a faaak about. But I don't see the point in doing that anymore. The people I loves' and appreciate know who they are and I don't let time pass without saying hi and letting them know .... The others can can fark off cos I just can't Do fake nicey's anymore. I like where I am now in that regard. 
      December 20, 2016 8:28 PM MST
    3

  • 1138
    I respect that :)  It is nice to care about someone who is KIND back .... it's just she's my 'aunt' and I know she'll be here for the holidays... I do not really  want to see her, because I never replied to her email earlier in the year; she's been rude to me in years past, and then will flip and be sweet. But she's condescending sometimes, and I just feel 'guilty' that she's a fam. member .. she may make me feel guilty too, when she comes up if I don't see her. I am an adult though, she doesn't even talk to most of her aunts/uncles.. Ty so much for your reply J
      December 20, 2016 8:36 PM MST
    2

  • I get that ...... I don't pay much mind to people who try to make me feel bad about myself or guilt trip me anymore  ....cos I'm awesome!!':)I think most people are.... so you probs are too. Don't let her bring you down . Cos I said so;)
      December 20, 2016 8:44 PM MST
    0

  • 1138
    Awwwww.. I never feel 'awesome' ; have had low self esteem for many years. I don't even date b/c of it and feel who'd want someone who went through abuse, or has low confidence :/ But that made me feel so nice, ty J !!  Truly thank you...  Hope your Holiday is wonderful too
      December 20, 2016 9:02 PM MST
    1

  • I'm kinda an expert on spotting  all things awesome  .... And Ive decided you qualify :) happy holidays to you aswell :)
      December 20, 2016 9:12 PM MST
    1

  • 7788
    I'm not close to most people and that includes members of my own family. Yea I do feel bad about not talking or seeing them, but when I do, I'm very cordial to them. I'm not an outgoing person and I can't change into one like some people have suggested. My life will probably be a lonely one.
      December 20, 2016 8:34 PM MST
    3

  • 1138
    It's no problem if you are not 'outgoing', as longg as you don't go out of your way to make someone feel less, or sad.  She has (aunt) made me feel sad or judged, quite a number of times. And I'm in my 30's now, and feel, I do not care to continue a relationship where she judges me or kind of talks down to me.. so I feel I may feel guilty if she comes around to visit, but I just don't want to  anymore :(  Huggg , Zack; you have us here, you will not be lonely :)
      December 20, 2016 8:38 PM MST
    1

  • Oh Zack.....  you'll always have me . You're stuck with me now cos you're the mostest kindest  person I've ever met online .... Cos I said so :p  and you listen to me rant then forget everything  I say .... That's awesome :)
      December 20, 2016 8:39 PM MST
    2

  • 7788
    Rant on as far as I'm concerned.
      December 20, 2016 8:45 PM MST
    1

  • You know I will :) I've been holding back on this site ... But may be time to let loose ;p ......eventually :)
      December 20, 2016 8:49 PM MST
    1

  • 44
    Nope.
      December 20, 2016 9:15 PM MST
    3

  • I see  youz still a Brit of many words :p
      December 20, 2016 9:30 PM MST
    1

  • 1128
    I believe I am a fair person. So, I don't feel bad if I need to avoid conflict. 
      December 21, 2016 8:47 AM MST
    2

  • 3375
    You truly are.  Anyone lucky to have you in their life would know that.  


    This post was edited by PeaPod is just popping by at December 21, 2016 9:08 AM MST
      December 21, 2016 9:07 AM MST
    0

  • 1128
     Thanks Peas! 
      December 21, 2016 9:12 AM MST
    1

  • 3375
    I have had to make this painful decision with certain family members that were even closer to me than an aunt and uncle.  I found I was in more pain being in limbo; feeling I was always at the whim of their moods and behaviors.

    I think now that the kindest thing you can do is to stop having a relationship with people that are a constant source of stress.  It's not healthy for them either to think others should always be available for them.  

    I will say I never stop talking to someone over one incident, but rather after a long pattern of discord.  Chances are, they have other people in their life they cause drama and conflict with.

    Great topic Baybreeze. Many of us really face this sort of thing on the holidays.






    This post was edited by PeaPod is just popping by at December 21, 2016 9:05 AM MST
      December 21, 2016 8:58 AM MST
    1

  • 1128
    There is nothing wrong with avoiding the chaos some people are surrounded by. <3
      December 21, 2016 9:10 AM MST
    2

  • 3375
    I'm allergic to it at this point in life.  
      December 21, 2016 9:24 AM MST
    1

  • 1128
      December 21, 2016 9:26 AM MST
    1

  • 46117
    Not really.   I have years where we are in some dispute.  But I am not letting them ever affect me again.  My mom passed and that is one of the few things about her passing I can actually say I am glad of. 
      December 21, 2016 9:26 AM MST
    0

  • 457
    Too often. Since I've always had a demanding schedule, I've missed a lot of family gatherings and the ones I did make, I couldn't stay long. I always feel bad because my younger cousins are always asking about me and I'm rarely there.
      December 21, 2016 10:10 AM MST
    1