Hmm tough one.... no hard and fast rules I suspect.. but i would think gracefully would be not being bitter and angry and resentful about aging, always bemoaning lost youth and somehow being envious and jealous of younger people....that's a waste of time imo, we should get on with our lives,enjoy what we have, be thankful for all we have lived.
I'd say that would be a good model to follow. Although I can feel a little taste of resignation. It feels like "gracefully" has been equated to not complaining. You know what a mean? I do understand and see how moaning about a lost youth is a waste of time. Don't you think sometimes that growing up gracefully is like saying "act your age" kind a thing??
No resignation here I can assure you :) I know some awesome oldies -who give the youngsters a run for their money, on the course I am on most are older than me but looking to make an exciting and daring career change.. I think the opposite, that older people can get away with complaining more :P I think you could be right that for some people they see it as act your age.. I've personally never had that said to me and I've never heard it said to anyone else...
When you're that 50yo hipster who is still hanging out at the raver nightclubs trying to dress like the 20yo I say that's one example of not ageing gracefully.
Tee hee.. I once had a boss who was my age, aka old, and he was always trying to go to clubs where young people hang out, he was also always trying to get our youngest member of the team, a 21 year old to agree to go with him... I asked her, do you often get older people at the clubs where you hang out... she said yea, lots, and they drool over the young women thinking in their eyes that they are still cool. She said they aren't and the young people, rather than admiring them, think they are a joke. sad but true in most cases
Do you not think that these guys would be a "joke" regardless of how old they were? Do you think that they use to be cool, and suddenly became losers when they got older? Im sure there's all kinds of guys that women call a joke, some just happen to be fifty. No?
You make some good and valid points Lago... in that particular case he IS a joke, he's a nasty unpleasant bully and a letch.. I left, ultimately, because of him, not because he bullied me, tho he tried many times and failed, but because of the way he treated other people and manipulated... He was definitely a joke, we would all laugh at him, to his face as he was always boasting about the things he had done, the people he had taught etc.. We worked out he'd have had to have been 200 to have done all the things he claimed...
So yes I think he had always been a joke, I cannot say about others tho, maybe they were once cool and didn't understand why they were no longer are.... why they used to be able to get any girl they wanted and now cannot.. It's not a phenomenon I have been able to study much, other than asking that one young girl.
I would say that *women* in general do NOT joke about men just because they are 50 but it is also true that there is a predominance of older men who do seem to think they have still *got it* in terms of attracting young women... and they haven't.. so that would perhaps be part of growing old gracefully, aka being realistic and not making oneself into a joke for that reason.
Well, I still don't see the guy whom, like you say, was cool enough to get any chick he wanted, is going to be the old guy in the corner holding a beer. But I don't know. That's just my opinion. I think I object to the term as a undercover way of telling old people to stay within a certain accepted behaviour. Like a group of married women telling a newlywed how she's supposed to be gracefullier now. I do take notice of your being realistic point, that's a good one. . . I haven't thought of that one. I think that looking at it in terms of realistic expectations, the fifty year old guy trying to twerk would be a little ridiculous.
Welllllllllllllllllllll I have spoken to an awful lot of men on the subject of getting chicks, and getting younger chicks specifically.. I cannot comment on the club scene but in general terms yes, many just cannot imagine they don't still have that magic touch, they forget, or don't accept that they are no longer hot... Some older men, and for sure I don't mean all, are utterly convinced that they are drop dead gorgeous ... I think it's hard for some to come to terms with aging...
I don't believe, as I think you would agree, that getting older means we have to sit in a corner and be dull, far from it... and I don't think we should accept general limits on what we can and cannot do... but there are some natural limitations...
I am just recalling now, I once met a man, he was in his late 60s and he would go to clubs to dance... he said young people LIKED him..and encouraged him.. he was very fit for his age, and I think that's predominantly why he went, as a means of keeping fit.. I think perhaps why he was accepted was that he wasn't buying into the stereotypical joke of older man drooling over younger women, trying to look cool.. He wasn't my *type* so i never met him again but he seemed genuinely to just want to dance and keep fit, he loved music too... I don't think he was a predator as such so wasn't seen as a joke
I understand D. I can't really find anything in your post to object to. I think you're right on the being perceived as a joke, and therefore not being one. That's pretty good thinking. Thanks.
It has that air of desperation and not accepting yourself. Don't get me wrong, going out to the clubs is one thing. It's when you see those people trying to hide the fact that they aren't 21 anymore. Like really, I was able to rock the UFO parachute pants with my messenger bag breaking into unused wharehouses to set up dj tables when I was 20 but come on at 37 it's ridiculous.
I understand that it is ridiculous. Im sure I've felt the same way. Im sure. But why is it ridiculous, according to whom?
The young people?
When walk out wearing some fashion choices that some may consider worthy of a double look, I don't feel ridiculous. I feel feel pretty Damm fly actually. No?
I know you were talking to GLis on this.. but my naughty thought was.. wellll we'd have to see pics to know that :P My non-naughty thought was... well there's fashion and fashion, and even within that some can carry things off and others can't.. I think too, for men fashion tends to be more reserved, so a wider range of men can probably get away with it..
I guess it comes down how you are trying to pull it off. In many cases it's indicative of not growing as a person and being locked into a particular phase in life. There are always exceptions to generalizations but you can't have a discussion about anything without making a few.
Sometime in the 1980's I read an article about the three stages of womanhood - maiden, mother, and crone. And that the sophistication of a society could be discerned by which of those three it respected most...well, clearly our own society is not very mature by that standard...Native American cultures typically give most honor to the mother, for example.
So I think "aging gracefully" would mean exploring the unique potential of whatever stage you happen to be in. I am in the CRONE stage now, and so far it seems to be the best one yet...although I am definitely looking forward to whatever comes next...
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at February 20, 2017 9:52 PM MST
Hmmm...I am not sure there is such a thing as growing old ungracefully, Lago...except maybe in society's judgmentalness (judgmentalism?)
What comes to mind is the first line of a book by John Steinbeck I read many decades ago...the opener stayed with me even while I am not even sure which book now...
"Night fell as gently as age comes to a happy man."
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at February 20, 2017 1:35 PM MST
Im inclined to believe there is no such a thing as growing old un gracefully. It may all be like you say, just society's judgementabilty? Thanks, Ms Virginia.
Sorry for butting in again, lol I can't help it when I find a topic really interesting so I hope you will see it as a compliment... If we go back to the example of older man clubbing and acting like he is 20 when he's pushing 60. I would argue that *society* doesn't judge per-se. We sometimes like to blame society... cos it's easier.. But if the older man is doing that to try to impress younger women, who generally just find him creepy and a joke - well that's not *society* judging - it's people who feel harassed and bothered by certain behaviour that is not welcome... SO not always society..
Im not talking about harassing or unwanted behaviour. But you . Yourself talking and saying anything about a man in his sixties ACTING like a twenty something. That IS society talking. Everything you or any of us have said is society talking and judging. To say that my views,are impervious to society's influence or to say that my views are independent of any societal bias is like claiming that you can go out in the rain and not get wet.
Benedict Arnold 