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Baybreeze

How would you go about this with your 'father'?

I'm an adult with symptoms of PTSD and have had anxiety for years. I have had a chaotic, violent and abusive childhood even up to early adulthood. Belittling, cruelty, hitting, screaming and mocking were daily/weekly life. This was all done mainly by a manic and borderline psychotic  mother who I've debated calling police on. I am living with my 'parents' still due to finances and my anxiety I've had the last several years; many days I feel I don't even deserve joy, love or I feel nonexistent. My father recently assaulted me after defending my mom and her harsh cruel words again.. he hit me several times, and I know I could have reported him, but didn't. I need a steady full time job to get out, and until I get that, do I even speak to him? It pains me even to say hi, knowing he could give a CRAP less about any thing I've gone through and gets away with his actions for years (alcoholic too). When I get out, I have no other person in my fam. who could financially help me in a bind if I needed.. do I stay in contact with him in 'case', or cut all ties? I want to cut all ties, but it is terrifying having no one  :/

Posted - February 23, 2017
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Responses


  • I think you need to prioritize maybe ... I'd be cutting all ties, no one deserves the treatment you describe... But you need to get financial independence first ... I think that's what you should be aiming for and in the meantime try to keep your head down ... I wish you luck
      February 23, 2017 7:15 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thanks Oz. I just feel SO alone; it would only be me and my sis living together; I have a couple friends but they are so self involved. I have no other family that is there for me or kind, so I feel utterly afraid.. like it is literally me against the world. People say well there are so many kind ppl out there, but it is rare. Most are thinking of their own gains/selves. I know I need to get away but it is hard when you have anxiety about being alone, travel anxiety, dating anxiety and with no 'self' ... being under turmoil for so many years you doubt a LOT of what you think or do; that is what she wanted. I thank you for relaying that it is OK to cut ties *hug
      February 23, 2017 7:22 PM MST
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  • That's ok ... I feel you may need to learn how to love yourself ... One of the most important things I believe ... I just an honest warts and all appreciation of you by you ... I think many of your fears may be lessened once you realise your own value :)
      February 23, 2017 7:32 PM MST
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  • 23664
    I guess I don't have specifics to help. I can only wish my best to you, which seems like little or nothing that would help.

    Maybe are there organizations or something that might be able to help you step out on your own, like with housing, despite your financial situation?
    Or, if you need to stay "home," maybe find a counselor to help with the anxiety? I have an anxiety disorder and counseling has helped me.

    These are only suggestions because you asked in your question.
    I don't mean in any way to tell you what you should do. In the long run, probably only you, with maybe help from others, will know what to do.

    Be Well
    and best to you,
    WelbyQ
    :) This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at February 23, 2017 11:06 PM MST
      February 23, 2017 8:01 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thanks Welby... I appreciate your time and reply. *hugg. I think the only real resources around are a shelter, and I've heard many times they are not wonderful so to speak. I am going to seek counseling but hesitant, b/c I have to go over all of this again , all the pain, with someone I don't know, and some of it is even 'unbelievable' like, wow did that HAPPEN? I wonder , I hope they believe me.. :/ Also, I feel ashamed to be in my 30's and not have 'moved on' from all this.... (yet I know the trauma was severe and that is NO easy feat) I guess I can go once or twice and see how the therapist is.. I need someone for once in my life, who even listens at ALL to me, or wants to help me :/ Thanks again W .... do you get anxiety over little things, or larger things like 'where is my life going ?' etc.. ?
      February 23, 2017 11:59 PM MST
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  • 23664
    Hi Baybreeze!
    You're welcome for my response. I have to leave for work now but will add some more details to my answer here later tonight or so.
    In the meantime, the disorder I have is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. There are some websites that explain it if you want to look it up. But, often (all the time? Ha!), I just have a 'general' sense of anxiety "free-floating" through my days/life. (It can be about little things or big things.) Even if I know things are basically OK, there still exists a sense of unrest and anxiety. It's not comfortable at all but I have found many managing tools --  I've been told/have read that it's a condition one learns to manage/live with. And I'm finding I'm getting better and better at managing. Even friends tell me they see a difference for the better in me over time.

    Sorry I have to go for now or I'll be late.
    :)
    Hang in there and Be Well!
    :) This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at February 24, 2017 6:57 AM MST
      February 24, 2017 6:54 AM MST
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  • 23664
    It's much later now.
    I guess I don't have much to add, I guess.
    But something I found to be rather refreshing about speaking with a counselor - - he or she is no one personally involved with me in my personal life. He/she is an objective listener who is only there to help. No worries of backlash or ridicule or whatever. An open ear and helpful feedback. That was/is good for me.
    :) This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at February 25, 2017 9:39 AM MST
      February 24, 2017 7:09 PM MST
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  • 1138
    HI welby.. sent you a personal message :)
      February 25, 2017 9:39 AM MST
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