What are the best questions to ask someone to ascertain the status of your friendship?

Just what exactly do you perceive the status of our friendship to be?

My friend and I have talked about the "levels" of friendship at length. Most often, one person values a friendship more than the other, for whatever reason. Perhaps they have a large number of friends, and find it difficult to divide their time. Maybe they have long term established friendships that they feel deserve more attention?  In all honesty, we all want to be on the "top tier". None of us wants to value a friendship more than the other person does, but most often it is the case. It's no fun to feel that we aren't as important to someone as they are to us. That doesn't feel good. But the only way to guarantee this is to not allow anyone to be really important to us, and that's really no way to live, either. 

I'm not sure what you could ask her, other than to just be completely forthright and tell her that she is extremely important to you, and you're concerned that you aren't that important to her, because you feel like there are times when she barely acknowledges that you exist. You'll need to be able to site specific examples of situations that have caused you to feel that way. If you want someone to change their behavior, you always have to be able to say "I feel______ when you do/say _______". Keep it focused on your feelings, and like I said, have specific examples. I went through something like this with a close family member some time ago, and I learned that she wasn't aware that I felt the way that I did, and with time, our relationship has improved greatly. 

In conclusion, keep in mind that all of us are naturally selfish and consumed with ourselves, with what's going on with us, and how we feel. Some of us are better at being able to step outside of what's going on with us than others. The best friendships are those where there is a good balance of give and take. If you find that it's always all about her, perhaps you should rethink how important you want her to be to you. 

I honestly don't know if such a question exists .. She could give the perfect answer and still leave you wondering if she spoke from her heart of from what she thought you wanted to hear ... sorry to sound do negative but I believe actions still speak louder than words 

If you have to ask, you've been friend-zoned. Sorry.

 I like Savvy Ansly's answer. I think it's great.

But I wonder if what you are not saying is that you have a sexual or romantic interest in your friend.

If so...

ask her straight out.

Say something like, "I feel very attracted to you and I wonder, have you ever felt the same?"

If she's not interested beyond just friendship, she'll say so.

Then you can keep on being friends, but move on emotionally and keep your eyes open for someone else.

Sounds so simple. But then, I guess most of the important things in life are easier said than done. Finding the right time to talk about things like this is difficult because setting aside that time usually starts with a phrase along the lines of the dreaded "we need to talk".

Yeah, the first explanation sentence about a great interest is referring to romantic interest. I guess I was more subtle than I intended. I've never been good at asking women out; mostly because it's always "no". I ran through the list and I've been rejected by women with names starting with overt half of the English alphabet (including multiples for some letters); and we're not taking about trying to pick up, but searching for relationships. That's made me extremely gun-shy.

For about the 30-something th time. Kinda wears one down after a while.

I do trust her to speak truthfully if I insist she doesn't take the diplomatic route. So far the actions have said a million different things; so they may speak louder, but they're no clearer

I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out. We shared a great, hour-long phone conversation a few weeks back, and when I walked out of a rehearsal upset last week, she was the first and only one to chase me and check on me before I got out the door. Yet, sometimes she'll just walk straight past me without even acknowledging me. Hence the confusion.

Just ask her man, I don't even know what ascertain mean. All this just to ask if she likes you. Just ask.

So true, so true,

Wtf dude, what's all this complicated Cosmopolitan crap. All this we need to talk drama. What about, walking up to her and tell her, straight up. "Hey I've bee watching you and I like you, do you like me bAck?
Just like that, is she says no, hey whatever. If she says yeah. Fantastic!
Obviously, what you're doing with this ascertaining is not working.
Obviously.

ascertain

To find out definitely; to discover or establish.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/ascertain

Okay. :)

Thank you.

It helps me understand much better where you're coming from.

If you want to make your approach softer, ask her out to lunch or dinner in a restaurant or cafe, or a walk in a lovely place. If she says no, say "how about a cup of tea/coffee?"

When you've been laughing and sharing for a while, ask her a few questions.

Is she looking for a committed relationship, and if so, what does she want in a partner? Ask her to point out the men she thinks are most attractive and say why. By then you'll probably know whether you stand a chance of her saying yes.

In the end, you do need to ask the question outright. "I like you very much and I find you very attractive. I'd love to know if you feel the same."

If she does say no, gently ask if she's willing to tell you her reasons honestly. Tell her you need the feedback so you can understand why women say no. It could be that every woman has a different reason. But who knows, maybe you smell bad and don't know it. It could be anything, so it's worth finding out.

When I am hot & cold with someone, they may have done things in the past or recently that I have not forgotten or forgiven. It means that I myself cannot tell whether they belong up there or lower to the ground.

In other words, ambivalence and uncertainty about someone can make me treat you inconsistently.

There are other reasons too - busy, in a hurry, tired, stressed, other family/friend troubles, $$ issues.

Do you think I'm wrong? Dearest Ms L.?

Great answer.

I don't have much to offer over what some have already offered, but in general, any relationship that you are left "guessing" is probably not one that is very close.  I have some friends that I talk to every day and some I only catch maybe once a month.  But what they all have in common is they all give me this feeling of security, like we can pick up where we left off so to speak.

I have been in your shoes in the past and it is a sign that the friendship is probably not a keeper.  It happens to us all.  We meet people along the way and they either become a part of our lives or they don't.  

In the mean time, reach out to some other people and you may find there is someone you can easily banter with.  Good luck.

You need to zip it. 

If someone asked me this, I would walk away.   Who CARES what level.  What are you looking for a contract?

What's up with the black?

Dude, I was being sarcastic.
You have been FZ'd my friend. There's only one way to get out of the Friend Zone. She doesn't see you as a man, she sees you as her puppy. If you have to ask this, you may be too late.
You can try what all these women are telling to do and be sensitive and understanding (which hasn't worked, and will never work), or you can just tell her. If she says no, forget it. If she likes you, shell come to you. If she doesnt, whatever, move on.
I'm not trying to be a jerk. I'm just truly trying to help you.

Well, Mr JustWanna here's your answer buddy. Right here!

My friend Hart, with all the respect I can muster, and perhaps trying to be lighthearted; this is a Man you're talking about here right?
I'm sure your Hart is in the right place, as I know you to be a caring and sensitive woman.
But I'm not sure this would really work. I'm pretty sure he's tried the sensitive, Hugh Grant approach already.
A woman will find a way to let you know she likes you. Im not convinced that all these gentleness is necessary.
But of course, I could be all kinds of wrong, and you all ways right. I mean you being a woman, surely know what a woman wants. I'm just guessing. Yes?