I have a friend for whom I carry a great interest. We are friends but I'm never sure exactly what that level of friendship is. We've had times where we've talked endlessly about everything and nothing, but other times she barely acknowledges my existence. She's said things in messages like "I'm glad to have you as a friend" and that she's "awfully lucky to know (me)", but I don't see that constantly translated into behaviour.
I'd like to gauge exactly where we sit as friends in get mind, so I'd like to know the best questions to ask her.
Hello j:
If you can't communicate any better than you did above, you'll NEVER get laid.. You're not interested in your friendship. Friendship is the farthest thing from your mind.. Do you think we don't know that? If you wanna know what to say so you can get laid, ASK THAT.
excon
You should talk to her about this, be direct, she can't know what's on your mind if you don't tell her.
"Hey, how's it going. Noticed you haven't spoken to me in awhile. You busy, something wrong? What's up?"
Perhaps the reason she doesn't talk to you all the time is because she knows she can message you and the two of you fall right back into the closeness you had when you left off before. I have friends like that, we may not speak to each other for years, but when we do, it's as if we were never apart.
My first answer to justwannaknow was to take the direct and honest approach by asking straight out.
Once I'd heard a bit more from him, my second answer was a response designed to try to make things easier for him. He feels doubt and fear of rejection. If he learns that she's not looking for a man or not looking for his type, he can save himself from one rejection.
We women are all different and can be very contrary, which must make things hell for you guys.
I could generalise and quote statistics about men and women, but all of that becomes fairly meaningless in individual cases.
If you can't communicate with your "friend", that's not really much of a friendship. You need to talk to her face to face and tell her how you feel. If you can't ascertain the "status" ... then I would suggest you are more of acquaintances than real friends.
Thank you Hart. I understand, you're right.
Was it all written there?
Just ask her to go to the movies or something. If she suggests bringing others, say no I was thinking just you and me on a date. She will either say yes or no. But you will know the answer.
Firstly, I had no idea that you'd replied to me. This is a reply to me, right? I'm still really not sure how this site works, but it looks like this was a direct reply to me. Anyway, I read some of the rest of this thread, and I didn't realize you were talking about having a romantic interest, and wanting to know if that was reciprocated. I didn't get that vibe from the wording. So, most of what I initially said is sort of non-applicable. What definitely is applicable, is being forthright, and letting her know your feelings. There's really no point to investing more time and feelings into a relationship that has no future. I'd say that you could "just be friends", but that generally doesn't work out, if one person's feelings are romantic and the other person's aren't.
Seems like you've gotten plenty of replies now, hopefully you've found the kind and sincere ones to be useful. Best of luck to you!
Yes, I didn't at all realize that he (didn't realize he was a he when I read the question, hehe) was speaking about romantic feelings. That considered, I think your answer is great! : )
Thank you for your answer. We've spoken and it seems that she's someone that doesn't like letting people get too close. Hence the hot and cold.
Thank you for your answer. We've had a chance to speak. She's not interested in me, but she still considers me to be special to her. It seems that, while she is very personable, she's afraid of letting people get too close; which explains a lot - probably just about everything.
Thank you for your answer. We've had a chance to speak. She's not interested in me, but she still considers me to be special to her. It seems that, while she is very personable, she's afraid of letting people get too close; which explains a lot - probably just about everything.
