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Baybreeze

'You are whole and perfect the way you are Now.'

How could one who feels so tainted and just damaged feel this is TRUE for them? This quote is one of my faves by Dr. Wayne Dyer but I am struggling to make this have true meaning for 'me'... I am so so lonely, even am afraid to date b/c of my low self esteem, or to get my own place, etc... Do you think someone who has had anxiety for so many things could feel whole to date 'now' even when they feel tainted? 

Posted - February 28, 2017
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Responses


  • Wayne Dyer was a self-help guru whose ideas probably helped a lot of people. By necessity, for they're trying to sell to a mass market, their ideas sound good but are often difficult to achieve. 

    As a teen I was so shy I used to mumble so that people wouldn't hear what I said. I was so self-conscious, so shy, that I hated to be with people. No girlfriends, few friends -- I was a mess. 

    Then I realised that the only person taking me seriously was myself. To most people I was unimportant, as they and their problems were not very important to me. And I learned to laugh at myself. I laughed at my stuff-ups (and they were many), my hang-ups, and even my self-consciousness. 

    All it takes, Baybreeze, is the willingness to put yourself out there. Join groups, or clubs, or activities where you will meet other people. And remember, rule of thumb, don't talk too much about yourself, and NEVER talk about your lack of confidence. Get out of bed every day telling yourself that you're going to have a great day. Lie to yourself, if you must. And you'll be surprised that the very change in your attitude, in your expectations, will change your life. 

    There's nothing magical or mystical or New Age in that. It's just a way of telling your subconscious mind that you expect it to do a better job. But remember this, and it's important, the subconscious does NOT recognise negatives. If you tell yourself "I won't be sad today" it will skip straight over the "won't" and think "I will be sad." (Any hypnotherapist can explain that to you.) Rather think, "I will be successful. I will be confident. I will have a good time." You don't have to keep repeating it -- just get that into your mind when you get out of bed.

    After a bit you'll throw away Dr Dyer's book because you'll no longer need it. 

    Please excuse me if I've carried on too much but you can be a winner. Good luck! 
      February 28, 2017 9:06 PM MST
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  • 2658
    Great advice from a personal perspective Didge. 
      February 28, 2017 9:41 PM MST
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  • Thanks, Beans. It worked for me. The trouble with advice is that it always seems only to relate to somebody else. 
      February 28, 2017 9:59 PM MST
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  • 1138
    I'm sorry you also felt so shy /awkward and even mumbled so people couldn't hear you :( Often I've felt similar, like I don't even exist, mainly due to awful abuse in my past. I do get what he means, we are whole Now, meaning we are pure beings and nothing 'outside' can touch 'YOU'. But, it did touch me.. I mean horrible acts and words that I feel is me, even though I know it's not, what guy would want someone who has been through so much abuse.. ? Eventually they'd find out. I feel how can I date if I don't feel whole? I guess I need to start b/c I feel what if it takes years? I'm in my 30's and if the world ended this year I don't have years, you  know?  thank you for the subconscious tip, I'll have to try that. Saying an affirmative, so the subconscious prints it into my mind.
      February 28, 2017 10:33 PM MST
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  • 2658
    How to Escape the Labyrinth of a Low Self Esteem.       http://www.wikihow.com/Escape-the-Labyrinth-of-a-Low-Self-Esteem

    Perseverance. : continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition.

    Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other. -Walter Elliot
      February 28, 2017 9:13 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thank you Beans.. I will check out that link
      February 28, 2017 10:34 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thank you Beans.. I will check out that link
      February 28, 2017 10:35 PM MST
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  • I have to disagree with Dr Dyer because none of us are whole and perfect, we all feel tainted, lack confidence to some degree and get our feelings hurt by people we thought would never do that. It's just that people hide these feeling and often the people who appear most confident are the ones who have a timid shy person underneath the surface.

    If you don't dwell on the feeling that you are imperfect or worry about dating but try to involve yourself in something that interests you then you will meet people and the more you socialise, ask people question about themselves, the more your confidence in yourself will build.  It won't happen overnight but you will be happier.
      February 28, 2017 9:15 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thanks Yoga, in a way I know what he means, we are while in that outside forces cannot take away our being, our Essence. Yet most people, or men , when dating are not thinking of someone's essence (their true inner soul or being) .. they are seeing your appearance, and if you are confident.. how can I 'feel' whole or confident when I feel they'll drop me for any other woman who does NOT have abuse in her past? I get what you mean don't dwell on feeling imperfect, but I'm talking I have anxiety from trauma.. even cars, travel, hikes, can make me anxious, and how can I get past that 'hoping' some guy will see me and not that? It seems like most won't so I get so nervous and decline dates :/ I do like how you said the more  you socialize the more confidence I will build- I will try to at least join a class or get out at night here or there more- I appreciate all your time /words .. thanks again
      February 28, 2017 10:39 PM MST
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  • If a man walks away from you because he finds out you have abuse in your past then HE is the one with the problem and you don't need a man like that in your life just heave a sign of relief that you discovered he's a jerk.  Any man worth having will accept you and anything, anything that has happened to you in the past.

    You may have to wade through the men who have a multitude of sins but there are some kind caring men out there who would treasure the person you are.  Put men out of your mind for now just pursue activities you enjoy, volunteer with an organization that interests you where you'll meet people and feel good about helping out, the more people you meet the happier you'll be and often that special person is just around the corner you just haven't travelled there yet.
      March 6, 2017 1:15 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thanks so much Yoga. That meant a lot- because that last line REALLY helped me. 'Any man worth having will accept you and anything, anything that has happened..' I just always think they'll deem me tainted or something like that- and I in turn deem myself tainted b/c of believing awful words and actions done to me.  But what you said FELT right- it really isn't 'me', its what HAPPENED to me that they are finding out etc.  I have literally never dated and in my early 30s b/c of the taintedness I feel, that guys would find me completely lower than other women... Ty so much again , for that tip *huggg. I think I'll also take a break from thinking about dating (and my lack of) and just do what I need now and hopefully things will work out... Have a great eve Yoga
      March 6, 2017 5:17 PM MST
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  • Dear BayBreeze,
    Short answer to your Q = YES !!

    I have used a different imagery than Dr. Dyer, mine is from Buddhism which is 2500 years old now and counting...
    THE DIAMOND; flawless, perfect, indestructible, undefilable, that is each one of us. You can bury the diamond and weeds grow over it, but just pull the weeds, dust the diamond off a bit...

    Or Sufism - we are the PURE GOLD NUGGET, and you can drop it in the latrine, but pull it out it will always be perfect and untainted.

    * * *
    And my way was different from Dozy's, I never joined anything too terrified...just doesn't matter...it's the only project in life that CANNOT fail because you are already there and impossible to be anything else but perfect and wonderful.



    This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at February 28, 2017 11:05 PM MST
      February 28, 2017 9:36 PM MST
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  • Nice one. 
      February 28, 2017 10:00 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Awww ty so  so much V. That meant a LOT to me. To think of myself as a diamond is NOT something I'm used to or have thought of. But I DO see that we all have an innner flawless soul, and that cannot be tainted. Thank you for that. I just feel the things that have happened to me (severe abuse) hold me back and that guys will sense I'm 'less' or have baggage, which in turn makes me nervous so I decline dates :/ I just want to feel normal to be on ONE date and not be nervous about what he is thinking .. or of how he can prob. sense I'm not confident :/ I 'm working on it, to feel TRULY whole despite what happened to me.. HuGGG Ty again for a wonderful reply
      February 28, 2017 10:43 PM MST
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  • None of us is perfect ... full stop!
    I think for me anyway, the answer lies in being fully  truthful with ourselves... and mostly were not  ... we feel 2 on the negative and constantly ignore our positive traits ... we dismiss them as if they are nothing ... life is a balancing act... we try to reinforce the good  ... we don't always succeed... but to me it's the trying that counts ...
      February 28, 2017 9:40 PM MST
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  • Perhaps the quote is just spurious.  Beware of shallow quotes presented as insight.
      February 28, 2017 10:00 PM MST
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  • 5808
    To put it simply
    God is within you as you
    You couldn't be more     perfect.

    Of course what type of overlay/masking you create,
    and how you manifest it 
    is up to you.

      March 1, 2017 7:30 AM MST
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  • 2658
    Well said, Baba..  Let go and let GOD.
      March 1, 2017 9:31 AM MST
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  • 5808
    indeed
      March 1, 2017 1:50 PM MST
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  • Two cases from the city in which I live.  A customer had fallen behind in rental payments for a self storage unit.  After a legally prescribed time the property owner took possession of the contents of the unit.  One item found was the desiccated body of a murdered four year old.  In a similar incident a family was evicted from a rental property.  When the owner came to clean up the property a child's body was found in a storage shed.  Let god?  and of course these two tragic cases are only examples of an unending litany of misery and tragedy. Go god!  
      March 6, 2017 2:05 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Thank you Baba :)
      March 1, 2017 7:04 PM MST
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  • Really?  God is within terrorists? Rapists? Murders? These a perfect people?
      March 6, 2017 1:52 PM MST
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  • 10992
    Everyone is flawed. Some of the people you admire may well have gone through similar experiences to your own. It is possible to rise above your upbringing and the first step is to act like the person you want to be. You don't have to feel confident in order to act confident.  Also, quit focusing on yourself and pay attention to making others feel comfortable. Chances are they have anxieties about some aspects of themselves too.
      March 1, 2017 11:29 AM MST
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  • 7683
    Tainted? That word caught my eye! Why do you say that? Remember no one is perfect, Everyone has his or her share of miseries, it's the attitude that makes a 'difference'. Try meditation, it calms you and relieves you from stress. Don't blame yourself, no one can write their fate but they can meet their fate with equanimity ....be brave and keep hope!
      March 1, 2017 7:28 PM MST
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