'You are whole and perfect the way you are Now.'

Often one is to blame for his situation.  Bad choices, bad actions. These have repercussions. This idea of not blaming one's self is often an immature dodge of responsibility.

I think in the case of an actual murderer, yes blaming onself for literally ruining and taking, another life is their fault- it is the worst action one can commit, and who else DID it, they did. So I think Veena is telling me don't blame myself in a much different thing; feeling tainted. I have been through years of awful, severe abuse and while I don't blame myself, I feel inhuman some days...when your own mother is so cruel telling you that you are dumb, idiotic, expletives and has threatened your life, you feel wow, I must not be good in any way. Yet never was mean to her, was never rebellious; she has a severe condition. Even knowing she is sick my mind still thinks somehow I'm bad /weak. (she began this when I was 2)... I do get what you mean in a way, but wasn't sure why one might want to enforce someone who has never dated due to very low self esteem , to blame themselves...

Well, I can resonate with that as my father poisoned my entire life.  My thoughts were more to life situations where one has created an undesirable life situation due to poor choice making.  I have spent decades in low paying, miserable food service jobs.  This is a self created situation having with drawn from college. Not pursued a trade. I'm in a insecure financial position due to a lackadaisical approach to employment and savings.    

Ty V *hugg. I say tainted b/c I was abused a lot for many years by my mom, and I believed her fully. I was dumb, stupid, weak, irresponisble, and she'd even hit /scream at me weekly over nothing.. I began to think I'm less than anyone, less than men, less than human :/  So I feel that me having the anxieties I do b/c of it, even over travel, over going far away, or even in social settings, that men will feel I'm less too, and ditch me. It just is something I'm learning is NOT 'me'. It's not who I am, and it was not in my control. I am startting to realize that maybe even someone like me can find love one day.. ty so much V

Oh? I can't imagine having a mother who didn't shower love;(( Baybreeze, my hubby lost his mom when he was 9, he tells me how fortunate I am, my Mother is my friend, philosopher and guide. She is very wise and I turn to her when in distress. Our childhood leaves its imprint on us. Yes, no wonder in such a scenario you might have developed a feeling of insecurity and perhaps felt you are umm lacking in something....forget the PAST baybreeze, see, your profile name itself suggests you must be like a breeze, carry happy thoughts carry positivity and mix with people who respect you for what you are, shy away from hypocrites...take care please!