Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Have you ever felt SO nervous to date, and become very nervous on the date?
Baybreeze

Have you ever felt SO nervous to date, and become very nervous on the date?

I keep staying in a shell b/c I'm so so nervous, to 'become' nervous on a date. I have had anxiety for years, and very low self esteem..my mother berated, criticized, abused and mocked me for YEARS and I still believe even as an adult, I am tainted. :/ I fear that I'd get so nervous with a guy, wondering what he's thinking of me, that I'd have to stop the date :( I am so sad over this, b/c I get nervous with people trying to either push too much, or I feel scared of being smothered- many guys want to Rush into a relationship. How could one move past fearing this and if you have ever feared things on a date, would love to hear any tips....

Posted - March 10, 2017
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Responses


  • My tip is to seek some professional help if not already doing so. Wishing you much success .. you can and will overcome these obstacles. 
      March 10, 2017 12:41 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Ty J, saying 'you can and will overcome these obstacles' gave me such a smile... I never feel I can overcome this feeling of being tainted so that I can date:/ That line made me think maybe, I can...
      March 10, 2017 2:03 PM MST
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  • Oh Dear Baybreeze...
    YES...those days, more than fifty years ago now...I can remember being so nervous that I actually hid...and this happened with more than one man. 
    I accepted the date, got ready with all intentions of going, but then when the man arrived, I was too nervous and I hid...and I did not even have your obstacles, my early life was warm and supportive.
    I have always felt chagrin, for how the man must have been hurt...even at the time, doing that just added to my feelings of incompetence.

    * * *
    A couple of thoughts for you...
    Think of a more neutral situation to spend time with him until you feel comfortable, even if it's just talking on the phone for a while? Then, maybe meet for a brief chat at the library or a public place like that? Maybe even explain to him what is going on with you, perhaps he will have ideas for your comfort...

    Second thought: Although my young years were difficult, I just want you to know that it has all worked out, better than I ever thought life could ever be. And I would not be surprised if my young hypersensitivity and fear actually contributed to a deeper, more fulfilling enjoyable life as time went on. 
      March 10, 2017 1:53 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Aww V, its ok if you did that. I've heard many stories where MEN were the ones to call it off b/c they were nervous, and some women I've heard too got so nervous they did not go through with the date. You are so kind and considerate, and just know that guy would have really liked you :) But its ok, still. He probably knew you were nervous, I'm sure he let it go :) Did you ever date after that, and become more calm? I just fear the Fear itself; creeping and me feeling so antsy that I have to end the date or something... many people with anxiety disorders (like me) fear an irrational fear of going 'crazy' ; Jamie Foxx the actor said years ago he had that fear, and one day he knew how ludicrous it was; fo rME the fear is appearing scared or panicky in front of others :( I'd feel the date would just think wow, she's strange. I f I can get past this one fear, maybe I canactually enjoy some time with someone , even if it were only one or two dates. Hell I know so many who go on only one or two and say, he was weird, or she never stopped talking, or something. I get myself nervous for nothing ; but, it stems from that awful place for years, where I FELT I was nothing. I was less, and any other woman would be better ... now I know it is irrational and I am working on getting RID of all that- it's hard. you believe your mom as a kid and teen, even when she is sick even when she makes no sense, you think, well she's my mom, it must be :( Ty V, you are the Best, ty for always answering my questions ! Hugg
      March 10, 2017 2:08 PM MST
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  • Hi Baybreeze,
    Yes...I definitely DID date after that...not sure of the process, but somehow I dated and things got so they went along very well, eventually.
      March 10, 2017 2:54 PM MST
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  • 7790
    That is something that has yet to come for me. I suppose it could happen to me at some point, but I'm not going to let him know that.
      March 10, 2017 2:11 PM MST
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