The very first "Celebration of Life" I went to was for a much loved Pastor. He was very tall with grey hair, reminded me of Moses. He was a wonderful person and loved by many. An important person in the community and he touched many lives. His death was such a blow to all that knew him. Having the Celebration of Life made it a little easier for everyone. We all could enjoy the many memories.
They do help. It's a time to remember and laugh and cry and be with others that loved the person who passed, too, and with people who love you.
When a friend of my brother's died in an accident at 18, my brother and his friends took it hard. Five of them made a pact that when one of them died, the rest would get together and have a party. My brother was the first of the five to go. After the funeral and the luncheon, we headed over to one of the five's house and we had a party. It was...amazing. I had never lost someone so close to me, and even though all the friends there had been to the showings and/or the funeral, we really celebrated his life that afternoon and evening. And that meant the world to me. We told stories and laughed and cried and partied. I still have some poems and such that our friend's kids wrote for me that day. Two months later, the second of the five died, and we did it again. It has become a tradition with a whole bunch of us since then.
With another funeral, my Ma came up with an idea that I believe may also become a tradition. In lieu of flowers, she requested people commit a random act of kindness. :)
Funerals are many things. A place to wonder, "Who is here by obligation? Who is here by choice?" "What are the mourners thinking?" One might contemplate questions of an after life or after service snacks. And funerals are frustrating. One has taken time to attend the funeral of this person but can be certain that person won't do the same for him.
Hi Didge~ You bring up an excellent observation. Even though I am old, I have never attended a funeral. I've only known 3 people that have died. 2 of the funerals were back east and the other I was only 3 years old. Still, I think you are right. The funeral/memorials are for the living. I would like to think the person who died wouldn't want you to be sad but rather to celebrate the time you had together. The word funeral sounds very unappealing. I would hope no one was celebrating they were dead. I would hope they would be a gathering about friends and family who had good memories to share with one another.
Hi Didge, Here we go again, against the flow of your answers...but this is, for me, direct experience:
Funerals/memorials are indeed helpful for the living, but even more so for the person who has died. To celebrate someone's life, with well-wishing and warmth, and delight for them...helps the person release their concern for loved ones left behind, and move on.
Prayers/affirmations, depending on your philosophy of life, are also very helpful for the person who has died, more than we would usually imagine.
Thanks, Virginia. That's true, of course. I think I once told you of some of my experiences, immediately following a family death. I won't repeat them here.
Yes...when you told me those, as you know I just immediately could understand what was going on, and from my own experience confirm.
Dozy...I actually commented on your questions here with some care, because those experiences do happen to lots of people, and we tend to discount them, there is society pressure that if you take them seriously you are a little bit nuts. But it is good for all concerned when we can be more open and accepting -
* * * Sometimes fabrications or mental illness do come up with bizarre stuff, but that happens anywhere and should not prejudice against one's own authentic experience.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at March 13, 2017 12:23 PM MDT
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