When it's time to move on can you move on unencumbered or are you always dragging something from the past along with you? Why not let it go?

Not if it pertains to someone no longer in your life tom. It happened and is not present. It is past. Yet it keeps coming up again and again and again. Why is that? I mean of course I don't know you personally so I have no idea if you have anything like that dogging you. Thank you for your reply. Once something happens it is in the past, right? What happens now is current and what hasn't happened yet is future. :)

No, that's my whole point, Rosie. Just because what someone did to you it is placed behind you on your life's time line, that doesn't mean that it is actually "in the past."

It took me almost 60 years to recover from the abuse that I was subjected to as a child---psychological and emotional abuse---the real "soul killers."

It's like a porcupine quill---if you can't get it out, it festers, abscesses, and constantly influences you in the present by both pain and distraction.

Forgiving and forgetting is great.  But if you don't heal properly FIRST  from the undeserved damage that was inflicted on you, you are likely to be forever compromised.

Rape victims recover best when they don't quickly forgive their rapists---that's well known.

And surprisingly, once you heal, forgiving is much easier.  And when you have healed,  the things that were done to one are seldom remembered, and when they are, it is with little or no emotion painful emotion.

Thank you for your impassioned clarification m'dear. Again I am so sorry your memories of the past did so much damage to you and it is certainly a credit to you that you were able to do the work required to work yourself out of it and become whole. There are a few things in my past that don't exactly haunt me but I will never be able to figure out. All I can do is guess/opine/assume and of course I can never KNOW the WHY of it because it takes the other people involved to be truthful. But there is no chance of that. The memories come back at will. Not often enough to make me sad or depressed 24/7 but I do get wistful from time to time and hope one day I will know the Why. Of course knowing "why" sometimes makes things worse so maybe I should just leave well enough alone! Happy Tuesday tom! :)

The passion comes from seeing the damage that "Forgive and forget" so frequently cause untold harm to people who have suffered at the hands of others.

My memories cause me no pain---What was done to me did, but does no longer.  

Shoot me with a BB accidentally gun and I'll recover from my wound and my anger relatively easily.  Shoot me with a 45 on purpose and you have doubly wounded me.  Not only that, but recovery will require my full concentration as well as supportive care.

And yet, I must deal with both injuries with the same inane advice:  "Forgive and forget."

A lot of people are suffering because they don't understand what must happen to be able to "Forgive and forget."

I am asking YOU. Why can't YOU answer it? Why must you use a diversionary tactic? If the question is too hard for you to answer why are you here in the first place?

Sometimes you think you've moved on but find you brought some things with you. There are situations from which it will always be impossible to disengage completely. I guess it is part of the human condition. Thank you for your reply Addb and Happy Tuesday to thee! :)