Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Friend's boyfriend still texting his ex (that he cheated on)...thoughts?
Benedict Arnold

Friend's boyfriend still texting his ex (that he cheated on)...thoughts?

So my friend told me the other day that she saw on her boyfriend's phone that he's been communicating with his ex-gf. They (my friend and her bf) got together in the first place because he cheated on his gf with her, while she knew full well he was already in a relationship...but that's a long story so I'll keep it moving.

So she basically asked me if she's over-reacting by not being comfortable with the fact that her bf still texts his ex. I don't know what to say since there's not a whole lot of info to go off; I don't know how long they've been talking, what they talk about, etc. frankly I know it's not my business. I want to say she's feeling insecure b/c of the way she got in her relationship in the first place, so now she's paranoid that his feelings for the ex may come back (I mean they'd been together for 3 yrs, before he cheated, so...). But I honestly don't know. What are your thoughts?

Posted - April 9, 2017
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Responses


  • Tell her it's none of your business and leave you alone about it to figure out herself.   Since anything you say or suggests is gonna come back  to bite you  in the a$$ you would rather her not involve you in their private affairs.
      April 9, 2017 12:34 PM MDT
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  • 6477
    Unfortunately people who cheat tend to repeat that pattern... having your cake and eating it is very tempting...
      April 9, 2017 1:19 PM MDT
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  • 283
    So why was she looking at her bf's phone? Was she already suspicious of him? I would tell her to follow he gut and then I would stay out of it. It is for them to work out. (Or not.)
      April 9, 2017 1:44 PM MDT
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  • She claims that she trusts him and that she "isn't worried"...she's gone through his phone before, but claims this time that he just had it out in the open and she happened to see the text notification w/ his ex's name. She asked him about it and he said something to the effect of "you don't act like this when I text my other friends"
      April 9, 2017 1:54 PM MDT
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  • 283
    Of course she doesn't the history is different.
      April 9, 2017 2:39 PM MDT
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  • 6124
    Listen to Evil Pink Bunny.  Stay out of it.  Be a friend if you want to and listen to her complain but, when she asks you your opinion, tell her: "I don't know."   If she presses you, say what Evil monkey, er, I mean, bunny is telling you to say.  ;-)

    When I was young, I lost a couple of friends because I thought I was doing the right thing by telling them the truth when they asked me about their boyfriends.  Your friend already knows the answer to her questions.  She is doing what I call (in polite terms here) the mind effing routine. She is insecure about her relationship because she knows he cheated on the ex with her.  She will never be able to fully trust him.  So, she is driving herself nuts and trying to take you along for that same ride.  The best way to be a good friend is to not get in the middle of that mess. Good luck. :-)
      April 9, 2017 2:32 PM MDT
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  • Personally I generally get kind mad when friends put that crap on me.   It's putting a friend in a bad and uncomfortable position that is a little too much to ask IMHO.
    No matter what you say you're screwed and gonna be a bad guy.

      April 9, 2017 3:15 PM MDT
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  • 22891
    maybe she needs another boyfriend that isnt going to cheat on her
      April 9, 2017 2:33 PM MDT
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  • 33821
    If he felt the need to hide it, then there is probably a problem.
    Personally I would have an issue with my husband texting/calling an ex. As would he if it were reversed. 
    My husband is welcome to pick up my phone and me his and read whatever we want. That is trust. If I am doing something on my phone I don't want him to see.....I should not be doing it.
    He did not call his ex wifes even when it pertained to their children. I handled calls and texts. Sometimes I don't think they knew they were actually beening texted back by me. (Husband does not text anything more than "K") This post was edited by my2cents at April 9, 2017 9:56 PM MDT
      April 9, 2017 2:59 PM MDT
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  • A few thoughts for what they're worth.
    What's the nature of the texts... Her sick mother or when can we catch up? Also whatever advice you give her she will probably ignore anyway unless it suits her own ideas.... I think I'd just listen, nod and commiserate.
    It sounds like he has history... This may or may not be true, but if it is....
    I think my advice would be time for The Talk! This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at April 9, 2017 3:58 PM MDT
      April 9, 2017 3:27 PM MDT
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  • 3463
    If I were tp say anything I would say that you reap what you sow.
    But only if she asked, otherwise I would stay out of it and let her figure it out for herself.
    Getting involved in others peoples relationships tend to come back and bite you in the a$$. This post was edited by Lulu'sMom at April 10, 2017 3:45 AM MDT
      April 9, 2017 3:41 PM MDT
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