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Baybreeze

Would you be offended if....?

Your cousin placed you at a bar well away from her table at her wedding (if you both were kind of close)? It was at a small tavern, with not a huge guestlist. At first I hadn't minded so much, but, when i noticed her neighbors were seated at her table next to her, I just felt kind of 'low' to find a better word. I just brushed it off overall, but she has always said I'm her main family (she has no siblings) and even the bartender made a comment like , 'Special cousin huh?' or something to that effect. I never said anything to her, but overall I did feel like 'I guess her neighbors have precedent' in a way. Would you just brush it off , feel sad, or said something?

Posted - April 19, 2017
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Responses


  • I think I would be a bit offended myself also and maybe have some feelings hurt. But it's over now and time to move on and not dwell on it! It's a part of life that some people can be real turds at times. I wouldn't say anything to her, just brush it off and go about your own life. Just another of life's little lessons for you.
      April 20, 2017 6:35 AM MDT
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  • 11129
    Don't spend so much time obsessing over every imagined slight, it will just bring you down. Your cousin just figured you would understand that she couldn't seat everyone next to her. Making an issue out of it just makes you look petty.
      April 20, 2017 8:18 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    This is my good cousin and family... I never said anything, this was a year ago LOL.. I'm far by FAR the most unpetty person you'd ever meet.. EVER. This would hurt anyone, being close family and having your neighbor sit there , and not you... o.O  In fact I let so much go, ppl say why don't you ever say anything to your family or friends?? I'm not obsessing, even the bartender thought 'wow'.. and i never said anything to him.. he said so who are you? and I said I'm a cousin, and he said, wow at the bar? Some close cousin... :/
      April 20, 2017 9:09 AM MDT
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  • Dear Baybreeze,
    At one time, I would have been quite hurt...not so much now...

    Baybreeze as difficult as it seems...but we humankind, we fall short in attributes of love and loyalty, we often don't have our priorities worked out well. So for me now, I just take delight when someone does come through with something beautiful, and I don't really get so disappointed any more when they do the hurtful things.

    As for saying something: If you do that, be prepared that the people will very likely get defensive. So speak up if you want a learning experience as to how people think, how they operate...but please don't let their defensiveness hurt you still more.

    * * *
    Also, I think it is wonderful that you bring these questions online, drawing from the experience of others...one of the treasures of a Q/A site.
      April 20, 2017 10:36 AM MDT
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  • 6477
    I'd be hurt and disappointed... but I would also have learned a tough lesson.... your cousin, whom you thought better of, is rather more shallow than you thought :(  I am afraid I would act accordingly and not put myself out for her ever again.
      April 20, 2017 12:36 PM MDT
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  • 34482
    Personally I probably would not care. But that is just me. I figure they had a hard time figuring out seating. It was just one day....Has she treated you well since then? That is the telling part. If she is blowing you off now then just move on and know that is how she is. If she is treating you well, then just figure she had a rough time figuring out the seating and probably did not mean it as a slight. 
      April 20, 2017 12:55 PM MDT
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  • 7939
    I don't know about your cousin, but thinking back to when I planned my wedding reception seating, proximity to the head table wasn't really a consideration. I think maybe I put my mom and his mom at tables close to us. That was really it. Beyond that, I tried to match people up by who I thought they'd get along with or have something in common with, depending on the available space. For example, I had a table set up for my friends from work... maybe two tables because one of them brought kids and the tables weren't that big. I might have been wary about putting a singleton at that table because they probably would have felt like an outcast with an established group. If I was looking for a table to put a person I liked at, and they were coming alone, I'd check all the tables with available space after making sure groups were seated together, and then pick the one I thought my guest would feel most "at home" at or seat them with someone who I knew was especially outgoing, so they had conversation, or perhaps with another singleton, so they didn't feel alone. Maybe your cousin looked at it the same.
      April 20, 2017 1:34 PM MDT
    3