I am being sorely tested. I am NOT happy and I cannot remember how it feels to BE happy.
I have a lot of worries. I cannot let go of what it is that worries me or I will be homeless and that will really worry me.
I wish I had the mental strength of an olympic athlete, because that is the stamina and endurance I need to change my outlook right now. Anyone in my position that cares about what I need to care about would probably fail unless they were heading for sainthood.
But you are right. That is the right path for all of us. GO WITHIN.
I'm not going "Like" your answer for obvious reasons. I can say though that every hardship in my life has either turned out to be for the better outcome or has at least made me stronger. Hang tough Shar.
I can make myself appear happy and everything is good. Inside I could be quite opposite. To be truly happy I view as a gift because not everyone has the ability to be truly happy with inner peace.
I'm seven years out from losing a child. I'll share this with you. Even on days I feel some happiness, the sorrow and grief is just under the surface. All it takes is for my mind to wander into a memory or have her face appear in front of me, and that happiness is gone for the moment and I may be on the floor. It may be different for you but that is my experience. I've had some tell me that time will heal. That's bullshit. My world is different and time is not going to change that. It's my reality and I don't want to wake up one day having forgotten it. Life goes on but it's a different life for me now. I'm still trying to learn how to say 'one' when someone asks me how many children I have.
Your loss is very fresh and new. I think about you and what you have been and are going through every time I'm on this site. I'm glad you are here interacting. It's safe. It's helped me.....AB and the people I met there and am still in Q and A contact, and Facebook too. If you Facebook and would like to join a group of Answerbaggers find me there. (Thrifty Maid there.two words). Sometimes the group is pretty active and other times it's very quiet. People let me know they wanted to keep the group regardless, so there is that connection.
Benedict Arnold 