Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Is fantasising about someone else during sex a "danger sign" for the relationship?

Is fantasising about someone else during sex a "danger sign" for the relationship?

Posted - July 10, 2017

Responses


  • 585
    I don't think so, not necessarily. The power of fantasy can often spice things up. But I also think it depends on the person we're fantasizing about. Is it an old flame? A celebrity? If it's someone that's attainable to us or we have a history with, I think it says more about where our priorities are. I would also be more prone to worry if this fantasy became constant and started spreading into other thoughts. If we start to daydream about this other person or pine for them more than we're spending active time and thought on our current partner, that's a bigger sign of problems in the relationship. 
      July 10, 2017 3:23 PM MDT
    4

  • 6098
    I can't recall ever not fantasizing during sex to help myself orgasm. At least at the beginning to get up to a higher level of arousal where I can more just feel and let go. And not necessarily about particular people - often they are just generically faceless men.  Or situations. I think it is natural. But some girls don't allow themselves to because they think it is being untrue or "cheating" mentally.  So they don't enjoy as much as they could.  Always is as much or more mental and psychological as physical.  Haha but I'm thinking that Peirce Brosnan has been responsible for almost as many of my orgasms as my husbands, boyfriends, or lovers!
      July 14, 2017 8:12 AM MDT
    1

  • Probably an end sign.
      July 10, 2017 3:36 PM MDT
    1

  • 17620
    The professionals say no.  
      July 10, 2017 3:56 PM MDT
    2

  • 6477
    Agree with the others... not necessarily... depends on why... and who...  apparently many of us do it.
      July 10, 2017 3:59 PM MDT
    2

  • 22891
    sounds like it
      July 10, 2017 4:20 PM MDT
    1

  • 46117
    You know what is the bitter end?

    Fantasizing about the dildo during real sex.  That is sad.

      July 10, 2017 7:04 PM MDT
    3

  • 53528

    (You're)
      July 11, 2017 6:33 AM MDT
    0

  • 46117
    I didn't write it. 
      July 11, 2017 6:35 AM MDT
    1

  • 53528

    I know you didn't write it, but you posted it. Posting a photo, meme or graphic that has a typo in it is just like driving the getaway car during the commission of a violent felony: all involved parties face the same legal consequences. 

    Expect a couple of detectives from the Grammar Police to knock on your door soon. (And don't try to sway them by saying that you know me. Influence-peddling is another charge that can be thrown at you.)
    ~
      July 11, 2017 6:46 AM MDT
    0

  • 53528

    Nope, not at all.



    ~
      July 11, 2017 6:42 AM MDT
    2

  • "I can't remember!"
      July 11, 2017 6:49 AM MDT
    3

  • 6098
    With most men I do need to fantasize, imagine, or relive memorable experiences as well as maximize contact to get to my first couple of orgasms. After that when I get to a higher level of arousal I can more just feel and be in the moment to respond.  Some men there is more chemistry with and like my body just obeys them so I don't need to do that but they are not necessarily the ones I want to have a continuing relationship with.
      July 12, 2017 5:23 AM MDT
    3

  • 585
    This is a good point. Sometimes sexual chemistry can be built, and sometimes it just won't ever be there.
      July 13, 2017 6:34 PM MDT
    2

  • 6098
    Oh thank you. Not sure it can be "built" if it is not there but what happens is we hopefully naturally adjust ourselves to each other if we love or are into one another so that it gets as good as possible.  And after being married or together for a while it just becomes a part of our existence. I don't spend my days pining just for the touch of my husband but when I get into bed with him and he means business he has learned all the right things to do!
      July 14, 2017 6:39 AM MDT
    2