I speak from experience. About 6 years ago (when I was 65) I decided there were a number of things about myself that I wanted to change.
Years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD by s specialist (a psychiatrist) and I have been on medication for it for 20 years and the medication is fantastic.
ADHD has nothing to do with my story beyond saying I had a professional whom I trusted and who knew me for a long time. She only does diagnosis and medication management for my ADHD and does not do typical therapy in her practice. But obviously she was able to make a meaningful referral for me.
At the time, she commented that it was very unusual for someone of my age to undertake the difficult work that I was about to pursue.
I cannot imagine not having done that work---my life has become infinitely better. (And my wife is tickled pink with the changes I've made.)
If you are asking for yourself, definitely go for it.
Hi tom jackson. Great answer. I was diagnosed with ADHD 20 years ago too and Im 54. My psychiatrist also put me on meds and they ARE fantastic. They changed my life for the better too. I can read a book all the way through, finish (most of the time) a task all the way to the end, and alot of other things that requires focus or things that my ADHD made it difficult for me to do. Im happy for you and your wife. ;)
A long time. I have battled crushing depression for many years. I would say I have lost about 15 years of productive living in this battle. One may function in getting through life, more or less, but at a very low level of engagement.
I had taken Lexapro for a time. Mostly I strive to mitigate depression by reflection and trying to bring up some compassion for my father who is the foremost cause of it.
When a parent does the types of things that he must have done, forgiving him before you have dealt with and overcome the hurt that he caused you can make your recovery very difficult---if not essentially impossible.
There are other SSRI's out there, and one may work where another does not help as much.
Remember, he had no right to do what he did to you---you were worth much more than that.
I'm not sure forgiveness is possible, the emotional hurt is too deep. But I try to feel compassion for a man who was greatly suffering, which he certainly was. The stress of family life entirely overwhelmed him. He seemed to have no means to deal with it other than raging. He obviously had sever emotional problems and some cognitive problems. I imagine it was horrible to live in his mind and life, so tormented by rage and hate.
When and if you ever heal from the harm that he did to you, compassion at least, understanding, and even forgiveness for him may prove to be relatively easy to come by. (After I healed, it was easy for me to see my mother as a flawed human being, but she didn't harm me as a human being, she harmed me as a mother---and that harm and my recovery was the reality that I had to use all of my energy to first heal myself.)
What he did to you was in the past, and yet by constantly trying to feel compassion for him (trying to be kind toward him as another human being), you are effectively bringing him into your present life and ensuring that what he did will effectively continue to tarnish your future.
Somethings cannot be overcome without professional help. (The death of ones mother while she was giving birth to her child is a well known example.
I fear what you are trying to do is also in that category; and if yours were an interim case assessment that I was reading, I fear the last sentence in the report would say, "The prognosis is poor."
I have some personal knowledge of the type of pain you are in. I am strongly pulling for you to get through this. Regards.
This post was edited by tom jackson at July 19, 2017 4:49 PM MDT
Yes. My mother lived in my head well into MY 60's. I was a prisoner of my own mind until I sought out cognitive behavioral therapy. I was taught how to get both her and myself out of the cell she had locked both of us in together.
I think it's hard work and I am still slightly dubious about whether fundamental character traits can be changed permanently... Definitely, they cannot be changed fast.. lots of work some back sliding and much support would be needed if it were to work... SO I am not sure.. .but I have/had a friend who tells me that he completely changed himself, his character.. I never knew him before so I can't say but I have no reason to disbelieve him.. So I keep an open mind on this one.
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