Active Now

DannyPetti
Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » I think it's fine to tell folks what you will try to do or would like to do without promising them you WILL do it. Agree/dis/why?
RosieG

I think it's fine to tell folks what you will try to do or would like to do without promising them you WILL do it. Agree/dis/why?

I think it is especially important when you have to rely on other people doings things so that you can keep that promise. You cannot safely promise that others will do what they're supposed to do. Sometimes unexpectedly things come up that prevent them or prevent you from doing what you wanted to do. Right?

Posted - July 18, 2017
Tags : None

Responses


  • 7280
    Realistically, if someone promises that they will do something for me, I tend to make my own assessment of the probability that they will in fact be able to do so and then decide how to proceed..

    I do like the cop and doctor shows where they simply promise to do everything (reasonably) possible to either find and arrest the murderer or save the person's life.

    (My mother caused me a lot of problems when as a child, no matter how wild a promise I made and even though I had the best of intentions, she held me to doing what I had said I would---in other words, I was not allowed to ever change my mind.  That was far too heavy a burden to place on a 9 year old.  Now I am much more aware that what is promised by someone is not always within their power to produce.)


      July 18, 2017 10:27 AM MDT
    1

  • 113301
    Many promises are broken because in fact they were impossible to keep. "I promise I will always love you". You can't promise that because people change. How about "I promise I will never let you down".  Again. Impossible to keep even though you sincerely want to do your best staying true to your word. Of course people promise things in the heat of emotion. Undoubtedly they mean it at the time. Fast forward and you see how things have changed. I think saying "I will try my very best to not disappoint you".  Sometimes our best just doesn't cut it. Kids rely on promises being kept. Did you mom keep all her promises to you? She sounds cruel and unusually strict. Maybe that was how her mother raised her and she simply didn't know any better. I know I made my share of mistakes raising my son. I don't remember how many times I apologized to him for something or another. You live and learn.  Thank you for your reply tom! :)
      July 18, 2017 11:30 AM MDT
    0

  • 7280
    Yes---she was raised that way and knew no better.  Fortunately I was able to break the legacy with my children.

    And yes, good intentions don't guarantee good results.

    Actually, my mother did keep all her promises---unfortunately they were promises to punish me if I didn't do what she wanted.

    But hey, I finally recovered from my upbringing about 5 years ago.
      July 18, 2017 11:42 AM MDT
    1

  • 113301
    Those were the ONLY promises your mom ever made to you? Punishment? I do hope you're joking. Otherwise I am going to feel sad for you retroactively. Children deserve to be treated with respect and valued and loved. Yes. They need guidance along the way but here's what I think. Hitting a child (and I don't know if your mother ever did) is physical abuse to me. All it teaches a child besides being afraid of the parent is that big people can hit and get away with it. I see no value in teaching that lesson to children.  So hopefully she didn't believe in hitting! Thank you for your reply! :)
      July 18, 2017 12:01 PM MDT
    0

  • 7280
    My mother was way in over her head as a mother---and that was certainly not totally her fault.  It is realistic to think that she may not have really interested in marriage and motherhood.  Nothing wrong with that either---women were not exactly encouraged to make decisions about life choices based on their own preferences back in the late 30's and early 40's.  And hey, what doesn't kill you makes you strong...

      July 18, 2017 12:05 PM MDT
    1

  • 113301
    So she did hit you. Well we all live with the hope that our parents did the best they could and if they could have done better by us they would have. We also hope that our kids feel that way about us. It is a neverending story. :)
      July 18, 2017 12:10 PM MDT
    0

  • 22891
    thats  true
      July 18, 2017 12:54 PM MDT
    0