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Benedict Arnold

Was I being too harsh in this situation?

My ex that I don't get along with and for some good reasons sent me a picture of my son walking in a farmer's field amongst the crop.
The caption read "walking the beautiful yellow fields."
Without thinking I just responded "Those fields are probably full of pesticides."
I'm sure that's not the response she was looking for, but whatever she cheated on me anyway.
I do wonder if I am too harsh sometimes or when it comes to your kids health and safety do you just speak your mind and to heck how anyone feels about it?

Posted - July 29, 2017
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Responses


  • 22891
    kind of cause she was nice enough to send a picture and you sounded like you were still mad at her
      July 29, 2017 2:55 PM MDT
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  • 34283
    I would have just said looks like he is having fun. And left it at that. Or just a reply of "cute" or something. It is better to try and at least be civil for your son. You and she will have to deal with each other for many years to come, might as well do it with as little drama as possible so your son can not feel as though he must choose a side.
      July 29, 2017 3:00 PM MDT
    2

  • 7126
    Ask yourself what you hoped to accomplish with that remark. Was it really about your son's health and safety or being hurtful to your ex?

    Don't make your son pay the price for what happened between you and your ex. Making her unhappy is one way of doing that.
      July 29, 2017 3:06 PM MDT
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  • Honestly I am scared to death of pesticides because they cause cancer and I'm over protective of my child sometimes.
    I don't want to make her mad, I really don't, but I also don't kiss her butt anymore either.
    I don't know what to say?
    Thanks for your response. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at July 29, 2017 3:12 PM MDT
      July 29, 2017 3:10 PM MDT
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  • 7126
    There are other options besides making her mad or kissing her butt. You just need to be civil so your son doesn't have to deal with any stress emanating from the two of you. It sucks that she cheated on you but you have to put your son's well being first. Maybe you can benefit from some counseling to deal with the cheating and break-up. Has it been very long since it happened?
      July 29, 2017 3:16 PM MDT
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  • Actually it's been a while and I did try to be civil with her for a while, but we are like fire and gasoline.
    We start to get along and end up having sex and nothing is fixed so all our problems catch up to us and we end up fighting.
    She is a pathological liar, I believe?
    I do not trust her, but I love her.
    I love her body and her face and her hair and how she tastes, but she is so damaging to be in a relationship with that I could've killed myself.
    I just keep our text messages short and to the point regarding our son and we function and avoid each other.
    Luckily my son is incredible and getting through this mess as a happy, kind, normal kid.
    It's amazing, but so far he doesn't seem affected so I just keel my space from her and focus on him when he's with me.
    It's the best I can do right now because her and I aren't at a point where we can sit together and not have all kinds of feelings come gushing out from 15 years together, we're just not there yet and honestly it won't happen for me until I fall in love with someone else and then my ex will be resentful and pissed off and won't want to see me.
    It's never gonna be perfect, but life isn't and I don't shelter my son from that.
    He knows everything from both sides and he knows the truth because he lived through it with me.
    There's no secrets.

      July 29, 2017 4:46 PM MDT
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  • 7939
    I guarantee whatever stories you have about your ex and the things she's done, as well as the things she does now, I can top them. 

    The fact is, my relationship with my ex is done, we disagree about everything, and co-parenting is hard. Seriously. Everything from appropriate behavior through discipline is a bone of contention. But, I also realize that I have to parent the way I need to and he has to parent the way he feels is right. If he tried to tell me how to parent in my household, I would tell him where to shove his opinion. If I expect him to let me parent the way I need to, I also need to grant him that, even if I despise his methods. That makes it possible for us to be able to communicate about the kids as we need to. I pick my battles. The rest of the time, I keep my mouth shut. If not for that, we would be at total war and it's the kids who would suffer. When they ask me why the rules are different from house to house, I still don't bash my ex. I just tell the kids we have different values and expectations. 

    To fight over these little things, it breeds contempt, and that's not good for any kids involved. Learning to let go is hard, but you have to. You guys are going to be in each other's lives for the next decade or more. There will be school events, graduations, weddings, the birth of grandchildren, etc. And, no matter how horrible she was to you, I'm sure giving your son the gift of peace is more important to you than retribution. Keep your cool. Teach your son the values you want him to have. Coach him about being healthy and what things pose a risk. You can do so tactfully without admonishing his mother and it will have a greater impact than fighting with her.
      July 29, 2017 5:21 PM MDT
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