Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » Do you think that I would be happier if I just accepted that everyone will cheat?

Do you think that I would be happier if I just accepted that everyone will cheat?

It's such a nightmare when it happens.
It's a shock because we expect the opposite.
Wouldn't we be happier if we just expected our partners to cheat and accepted that it will probably happen and then maybe we'd even be pleasently surprised if they didn't?

Is there any truth to this meme?

Posted - August 27, 2017

Responses


  • No:/ I just decided along time ago that I can't predict  or control how people will treat me. But I can't control how I will react to negative circumstances and I trust myself to be strong enough to deal with whatever is thrown at me. it would be a miserable way to go through life just waiting for someone to hurt you. Just enjoy your time together and if shizzat goes down hill then you deal with it...cos you can.
      August 27, 2017 1:16 PM MDT
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  • Thanks, I'm just scared that everything I thought about love and relationships is wrong and I'm trying to find the truth.
    If we are meant to just be animals I can be an animal, you know what I mean?
    But if movies are right and love is real then I can do that too.
    I'm worried that real life is a combination of both.
    My ex cheated then she realized that she lost me and she wanted me to love her again after she got to go try out other men
    I can't love her the same anymore, she gets that now.
    Should I forgive her and love her and let her sneak around and then I go do the same thing and cheat on her or do I say goodbye forever and search for "Movie Love" LoL!

    Or should I just expect cheating and not get too attached and turn into "The Situation?"LoL!




      August 27, 2017 2:09 PM MDT
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  • I have not had your experience. As far as I know i have never been cheated on in a relationship. Im not proud of this and is embarrassing to say... iI have cheated on someone's in a relationship... i found all kinds of reasons to justify it to myself. But when it comes down to it. I was selfish. I wanted stability of relationship i had ..and I wanted the excitement and attention of someone new. I was a jerk. I dont like admit that online but if it helps you , Is fine. It's not your fault she cheated. She was being selfish an de immature. She should have had guts end it with you if she wanted to sleep with And gain attention  someone else. It's  not your issue.. it is hers. And no not all people cheat and no you should not just accept that is a given. I know I won't again. But then I won't get in a relationship again till i know I will not sabotage it. People faak up... but that doesn't mean you should accept les so than you deserve. So find a good girl :)
      August 27, 2017 2:20 PM MDT
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  • Thanks for sharing that with me.
    I kinda thought that you had maybe cheated because you mentioned that you sleep under your bed because of bad karma.
    The thing with you is that you get it.
    You understand that it was wrong, you feel bad and you don't want to do it again.
    You made a mistake, but you have a heart and you seem to want to be better.
    I really appreciate you telling me the other side of cheating and what you were thinking.
    It gets me closer to understanding why my ex cheated.
    Thank you. : )
    That takes guts
      August 27, 2017 8:21 PM MDT
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  • You are welcome :) but I sure as shizzat never  said I sleep under my bed... I do not feel as guilty as I should. I don't sleep under bed cos of my past.i like who i am now.ive made mistakes ...but those mistakes do not define who I am. Guilt ,yes.think I am a horrible person ..nope

    https://youtu.be/rp4UwPZfRis
      August 27, 2017 8:29 PM MDT
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  • Ok.
    I thought I remembered a thread on one of your questions where you talked about your karma with me but whatever.
    Thanks for sharing your experiences.
    I appreciate anytime, anyone opens up about their life.
    It's how I learn things.
      August 27, 2017 8:49 PM MDT
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  • I may have :) I honestly don't feel guilty about my past  though ... maybe I should ... I probably should :) I did the best I could at time .. so I don't. No sure if that's good or bad but how I feel right now
      August 27, 2017 8:53 PM MDT
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  • Sorry, I don't know what your relationship was like?
    I'm not judging you.
    Earlier in another post I mentioned that maybe I would've cheated when my marriage was crap if I worked with a woman that liked me, I don't know?
    I never wanted to cheat ever and I don't want to, but our marriage was non existent at times and while she was cheating she was mean to me and my son.
    I used to talk to Just Asking on Answerbag just to have anyone be nice to me at that time.
    If there would've been a woman in my life at that time who was kind and compassionate toward me it's possible that I would have developed feelings outside of my crappy marriage.
    I'll never know, but I don't want to judge anyone.
      August 27, 2017 9:15 PM MDT
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  • 6477
    Um no you cannot just assume that everyone will cheat ... because... not everyone will. For some it would be totally the last thing they would ever consider... 

    I know it's hard but you really do have to treat every person as if they are completely unique - you truly cannot judge the next person based on what the last person did.. the new person isn't the last person and shouldn't be judged by the last person's behaviour....

    I hope that makes sense? I appreciate it isn't easy when you have been hurt.. but if you are always treating people like they can't be trusted and will hurt you then you aren't really giving them a proper chance..
      August 27, 2017 2:33 PM MDT
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  • Thanks, I want to trust again, but right now I'm thinking it would be easier to not care if they cheat or not.
    I guess I'm just playing defense for now.
    Thinking of ways to protect myself so I can't be hurt anymore.
    It may just take longer for me to trust next time? This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at August 28, 2017 2:02 PM MDT
      August 27, 2017 8:28 PM MDT
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  • 6477
    Yes, it's understandable that you would feel that way. Unfortunately, not trusting has consequences too. For instance among other things it can mean you are mistrustful and push people away, which makes them feel rejected.. which doesn't work for either of you....

    Now, if you could truly not care if your partner, or girlfriend cheats that's another thing entirely.. that would get you into a more *open* relationship.. which works for some and can be a lot of fun as long as you both agree and are happy with the terms.. But again, it's not for everyone...
      August 28, 2017 2:07 PM MDT
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  • 17599
    Dude, get a grip!!
      August 27, 2017 2:59 PM MDT
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  • Well, I try.
    I try to figure things out rather than just forgetting about it.
    I always want to know the truth about things, it's how I "Get a grip."
    Thanks.
      August 27, 2017 8:31 PM MDT
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  • 7126
    I think you'd be happier if you could just let life unfold rather than obsess about things that may never happen.
      August 27, 2017 8:36 PM MDT
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  • Yeah, I'm definitely not going to put so much focus on my next relationship.
    If she wants to be in my life she will.
    If she wants to cheat then I'll try to make sure that she's not my reason for living so that my life can go on with or without her.
    Thanks.
      August 27, 2017 9:02 PM MDT
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  • 7126
    Not really my point but alrighty then.   
      August 27, 2017 9:13 PM MDT
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  • Ok I will let life happen, but I gotta be smarter next time because there were a million red flags with my ex.
    I just loved her and trusted her and got used by her.

      August 27, 2017 9:18 PM MDT
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  • 7126
    Yes, if we're paying attention, experience teaches us and we become smarter and more aware. But that doesn't mean changing who we are, our core values, wants and needs. Hopefully it does mean we can eliminate those who aren't what we're looking for more quickly and confidently in order to find the right person.  
      August 27, 2017 10:22 PM MDT
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  • (Is there any truth to this meme?)

    "Mae West thought there was!"

    This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at August 28, 2017 12:28 AM MDT
      August 27, 2017 9:19 PM MDT
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  • LoL!
      August 27, 2017 10:25 PM MDT
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  • 7939
    I think it's more important to accept that you can't make your partner do or be anything- you have no control over them or over the full relationship. That is kind of freeing. Plus, when you become ok in your own skin again, it's easier to recognize that you're ok alone if it comes to it again. I don't think you should expect cheating though. There are lots of faithful people and you only need to find one. 
      August 28, 2017 12:21 AM MDT
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  • Thanks maybe I'll get lucky and find a faithful one or just not care and free my mind of it and on the total opposite end of the spectrum theres some people who are turned on by their spouse cheating on them.
    I guess I just have to relax because none of this sh_t really makes any sense and even people who hate cheaters end up cheating sometimes.
    Hormones just take over I guess?
    People aren't always perfect, I'm not sure how to feel anymore.
    I just don't want to hurt anyone and I would hope they would love me enough to not hurt me either.


    This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at August 28, 2017 4:43 PM MDT
      August 28, 2017 2:58 PM MDT
    1