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Baybreeze

Would you reply again to someone's attacking email?

I usually keep my mouth shut and don't reply to people who are condescending or rude... recently there was a medical emergency with the toddler I used to care for and he became very ill.. I made a decision for him to call911 as his fever was spiking .. I couldn't accompany him in ambulance as needed to care for his infant sister inside. My sister was with me too but had just been released form hospital herself so was unable to care for the infant. Just as we thought of my sis accompanying him in ambulance, they left. So I did know that he was inGOOD hands though and that he was getting the treatment he so NEEDED. The mom belittled me that he was 'with strangers' and  even questioned me calling for help.. o.O That blew me away .. his health was fading and he was HOT to the touch too.. I made a decision that I do not regret.. what he had ended up being in 'some' stages, can lead to meningitis, which can lead to death. I never once thought he was eVER unsafe. She said I made 'excuses' and that she emailed me aGAIN yesterday (after waiting a few weeks to reply to my explanation of everything.) Do I reply again that what she said and insinuates is beyond anything even fathomed? I was there for her child in joy, his care, his learning and SAFETY EVERY single time with him. And saying all this to a loving, patient child care giver? I was shocked, and I just don't know whether to say anything else, or let it go. For her to insinuate again that I'm some awful person made me so Sad and Mad too. Do I tell her how I truly feel, or just let it go?

Posted - September 5, 2017
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Responses


  • 7280
    One simple sentence in your reply email:  "I cared for your son in his time of need the best that I knew how.  It is not necessary for me either to explain or to defend my actions." This post was edited by tom jackson at September 5, 2017 12:55 PM MDT
      September 5, 2017 10:42 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    Thanks, T. Appreciate that. I actually did already explain it in full, after her first aggressive message. She waited weeks, and just replied again to me, insinuating her 'concern' for me with kids and how I used 'excuses' and a lot of other really hurtful attacks. NONE of it was true and  he got help because I helped, and because HIS safety was my concern. I just don't know whether to say something again... like basically 'I can't even Believe you would insinuate those things about me when every time ever with your son he was in care, joy and learning. and that day was the saem, He WAS SAFE ... and for you to say anything other than that is belittling. '   ? Or just let it go.. her insinuating my care with other children in future made me So so mad really . :/ I've seen her hit her own child and she is talking to me about  my care /children??? Ty I'm sorry I'm heated about it, it jsut shocked me and not sure to reply a second time.
      September 5, 2017 10:50 AM MDT
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  • 7280
    I messaged you.
      September 5, 2017 3:08 PM MDT
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  • 7939
    Personally, I'm really curious to know more details about the episode. What was his temperature? Did you attempt to medicate? Did you attempt to get in touch with the parents first? What treatment did the hospital offer? What was the diagnosis? These kinds of things would change my view. 

    As a mother, I would be dumbfounded if someone called 911 and it was unnecessary or I was not contacted first. At the same time, I'd want someone to call an ambulance if they really thought my child was in danger.

    The only time I can think of a time I was in a similar situation was with my mom. She was having convulsions and we (the med tech/ nurse at her residence and I) decided to transport her to the hospital. My mom is post-stroke, and can be quite childlike, which is why I'm her guardian. She also has a lot of anxiety over anything medical. I wanted to ride in the ambulance, but then I wouldn't have a way back to my car after. The drivers assured me I would be rejoined with her as soon as we arrived at the hospital, so I promised her I'd be right with her as soon as she got there. We literally arrived at the same time- I followed the ambulance, but they went to a separate entrance and I had to go to the main ER waiting room. They wouldn't let me go back and be with her until they finished some kind of diagnostic evaluation and that took an hour. OMG I was like a mama bear. I was pacing, demanding updates from the desk every five minutes... I was so pissed. It turned out, they had just given her a sedative to calm the convulsions and it put her to sleep, but they didn't keep me in the loop or let me see her forever. When it's someone you care about, someone you're responsible for, fear can really take over. Now, I know the doctors needed time with her and I can respect that, but I was heartbroken that she was alone through all the tests when I made a promise that I would be there for her. I suspect the mom is feeling much this way. 

    If you did everything right, she may be dealing with her own guilt about not being there for her sick child. In which case, nothing you say will make a difference. She's going to lash out regardless until she processes it all. 

    If there may have been things you could have done better, no amount of explaining is going to help. Hearing your story, it's a good reminder to me to establish emergency protocol with anyone who watches my kids. I would be ticked if my child was needlessly taken to the ER alone. My primary concern would be the emotional trauma and fear the kid faced. Secondary... that visit wasn't cheap. If it was needless, and I owed hundreds of dollars for it... ugh. I know you say it was necessary, and you did have to use your own judgement, but, like I said, there are so many blanks that I don't know if I agree with you on that part yet.

    My heart goes out to you for having been put in the situation to make a tough judgement call. I wholeheartedly believe that you did what you thought was best and that you were looking out for the child as best as you could given the circumstances. 

    At this point, I think it's probably best not to respond if there are personal attacks going on. The most you could say is what you said here. "I had to make a judgment call and I still feel I acted in the best interests of your child. I'm sorry we disagree. I wish you and yours all the best." That's it. I mean, at this point, it sounds like your arrangement with her is over. Nothing you say is going to change that and anything else you might say will likely be thrown back in your face. End it cordially, if you feel you must say anything at all.
      September 5, 2017 11:43 AM MDT
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  • 1138
    Yes had tried contacting her first .. no answer/reply. His temp was going HIGH.. he was very hot to the touch, and vomiting excessively within 15 minutes. If my own child was in that kind of distress and was literally HOT to the touch, I'd NEVER question if the sitter called 911... that can be dangerous in a young child. The fact that she kept bringing up he was with 'strangers' was just astounding to me when he was getting treatment he SO needed. There was NO question in my mind he was in safe hands for the few minutes with the EMT's until the mom would meet him there. Someone told me that is the Least of anyone's worries when a child was very sick.. and that me staying back with the infant to care for her was no 'excuse'... Her mom came in (toddlers grandmother) came in saying 'stupid' to me blelittiling me and saying Get Out. I was SHOCKEd... this is a woman who reacts very highly to ANYthing though, her daughter told me that. But it was beyond uncalled for when the sitter who has been with that child and given him love care and learning EVERY time was ONLY thinking of his safety. I understand being a bit upset and wishing things could have been different. but to chastise repeatedly now, when your son GOT MEDICAL AId in his tie of need is just beyond words.. I'm so sorry your mom went through that but, she was in good hands with the Medical trainers/EMT's ..... I think we want to Know what is going on but they take time with the patient , administering things etc. I'm glad she was Ok.  Ty so much for saying I did what I thought best for him in those moments. I just don't k now to say anything else a second time... I am done yes, as you said , anyway, as I had just given my 2 week notice prior, (for other reasons)... but I think its prob. best I say nothing else. It just made me 'mad' to hear another message of ' I wonder about children you watch in future'  .... to EVER question or talk about my traits as a child care provider with kids, when it was NOTHING but patience, love, and care for the child every single time, made me very upset :/ I guess I'll still let it go... I don't wish anything on them but I do wish to not rem. it :/
      September 5, 2017 12:45 PM MDT
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  • 7795
    Sure I would. I find that sort of thing entertaining.
      September 5, 2017 11:46 AM MDT
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  • I think what Just Asking said was right on:"If you did everything right, she may be dealing with her own guilt about not being there for her sick child."
    This is why I've spent years working part time and just getting by.
    I wanted to be able to care for my own child especially when he was sick.
    I don't think there's much else to say to her unless she starts threatening some kind of legal action in which case you would document everything and talk to a lawyer instead.

    You did what you could, her child survived.
    Are there lessons to be learned? Probably.
    I guess from now on you will contact the parents as soon as anything like this ever happens and make sure they know the deal every step of the way so they could at least meet their child at the hospital.
    You have a tough job and I hope the very best for you.
      September 5, 2017 12:10 PM MDT
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  • 1138
    I did call and contact her before any call to 911. She did not answer.... and he was getting worse. I never ever questioned calling assistance b/c his fever was feeling HOT to the touch.. that can be dangerous in  smaller kids. Even the EMT said wow he is toasty..... Yes I did all I could and he got the help he NEEDED. Do i feel bad I didn't go/couldn't? YES. Do I regret helping him as His HEALTH came before anything else? No, do not regret. Ty so much for your kind words. And actually yes, I finally got hold and she said ok  will meet him at hospital. then messaged me an attack email :/  I wish them the best but, it was very sad to me to say such  words like 'excuses' to me  when I had his well being in mind Only. Ty AGain TRuth
      September 5, 2017 12:48 PM MDT
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  • Sounds like you did everything in a reasonable way.
    If she wasn't available to take your call then you took the proper actions to ensure her child get the help needed.
    She should be thanking you.

    Maybe she's mad about the cost and wants to blame someone.
    Don't let her get to you, you did the best you could.
    I guess in the future hopefully your sister can feel well enough to help you if you have to accompany a child in an emergency, but the parents should be available when called too or else they shouldn't complain after the fact.
      September 5, 2017 1:28 PM MDT
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  • 6477
    I am never one to take being treated badly... I always reply.. and I always make very clear why I am displeased about what they say.. My motivation is that some people seem to think it's ok to treat others badly.. and since we know many people don't reply and don't ever say anything.. I worry that they may be so morally corrupt that they seriously don't know, or aren't sure that their behaviour is unacceptable.. SO me being me, I'd always want to make sure they knew so that they stand a chance of changing and learning..

    That's my general view... but in your case I think I am hearing that you feel you have been wrongly accused and belittled... I wouldn't like that either.. and I would want to correct it.
      September 5, 2017 1:01 PM MDT
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  • 1138
    Yes,thank you. I so agree with saying what really happened to someone who is belittling you. I told her after she sent me an aggressive email.. told her the Truth of what went on, that the child was calm, and very sick and needed immediate attnetion. His safety was NEVER in jeopardy. And she watited weeks to email me back after explaining, and says another aggressive one: saying AGAIN it is 'excuses' and he was with strangers with EMTs. They are not strangers aiding your son's LIFE. It would be like me saying, I don't want my child going into surgery  , they are strangers. o.O So I don't know whether to say anything 'else' back, a second time. She belittled me also yest. for a second time and wondered what 'children I' might be with in future.' acting like I'm some awful  child care giver; that made me so Sad and angry frankly. I have been kind, patient and loving to her and her son eVERY single time with them, so it was shocking to me to see another email like that. I guess I can let it go as she is not hearing anything WhY  things occurred. I really WANT to say something else , but I might just not : / Ty so much friend, appreciate your ideas always
      September 5, 2017 1:15 PM MDT
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  • 19937
    If this was a toddler that you "used to care for," why is she bringing this up now?  If you are no longer his caregiver, rest in the knowledge that you did what you thought was the best course of action and let it go at that.
      September 5, 2017 1:19 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    Nope.

    I would block and forget it.  I am no fun.

    This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at September 5, 2017 4:40 PM MDT
      September 5, 2017 2:58 PM MDT
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  • 34431
    I would not reply. You already explained yourself. 
    I would probably set my email program to delete any more emails from them automatically. 
      September 5, 2017 4:38 PM MDT
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