Discussion»Questions»Life and Society» When a woman complains that she is being victimized/exploited,shouldn't she gather strength to complain and demand it to stop immediately?
This whole thing reminds me of the joke about the young "lady" that shows up at her bank with a small stack of $100 bills. After a few minutes to examine them the teller informs here that the are all counterfeit. She suddenly shrieks "Oh my god, I've just been seduced!".
Same with this. The "casting couch" has been a Hollywood fixture since Edison started the whole movie industry. These women were looking for quid-pro-quo. "If I sleep with this schmuck then I'll get a sweet role in a great movie, move my career into the stratosphere." I note that none of them are actually Oscar winners (although one or two may have been nominated). At this point I have to wonder if his studios produced any female Oscar winners and if they are going to complain, eventually (in hopes of a cash settlement, of course).
It is a harsh demand to make in the face of superior force. Many women have a better chance of surviving by blending in with the furniture and staying unnoticed. It is US we must make demands on. US who should notice and speak up.
Yes, I know about Weinstein. I think you'd have to live under a rock to not know about it :)
It bothers me that there are so many comments all over social media "blaming" the woman who supposedly did not come forward sooner of being complacent and allowing Weinstein's behaviour to continue. That's bullshizzat IMO.
From what I've read, most people in the entertainment industry knew about his behaviour for well over 20 years and just ignored it. So to the question "Why didn't woman speak up sooner?" They did. People knew about Weinstein's behaviour.. and those with power to do something about it, did nothing.
They should do what I used to do when it was rampant and we had no recourse. I would back the guy up against a wall, pinning him with my body and say "Okay, let's go! Let's do this thing." The guys that talk are the ones that are p*ssies about it and would run away. OR, if a guy slapped me on the a$$, I would turn around and yell at them if they did that again, they would lose their whole f*cking arm!
Oh Veena! The stories my women friends in construction and I have to tell, would leave you shocked, cringing, and laughing. I've started writing some of the stories.
Veena, they didn't keep silent. Actresses have been complaining about him for years and it was always covered up. He was a very powerful producer and, if a women did anything to piss him off, he could ruin her career. It was another one of those "keep your mouth shut if you want to work in this industry" situation.
Sexual harassment in the workplace has been rampant in all industries. Not only did I have co-workers who did it to me and other women, my bosses were the worst of the bunch because, unless you managed to tape it, they knew it was our word against theirs. These were all privately held companies so, who was going to fire the owner? Who had the money to hire the better lawyers? Only recently has the problem been taken seriously and the offenders been removed. I think with the advent of the internet, and especially twitter, the ground support has increased a hundred fold.
All very idealistic but not as easy as that for most people. Most of us will naturally try to make peace rather than make waves. And if we have low self-esteem we may internalize it as our fault for doing something wrong. Worse, we join them in the game they are playing by allowing them to play one-up with us where they always win which makes them feel superior and us feel terrible about ourselves. Best thing we can do is to not get involved one way or the other, not engage them but just go about our business. Even if we are victimized. Don't play their games and just go about what we are hired for and they will eventually come to respect us.
This post was edited by officegirl at October 29, 2017 8:49 AM MDT
Well, it's a very good thing my self-esteem and ego are completely intact! I'd hate to have to live that way or believe that if I don't play their games they will eventually respect me. I don't give a crap whether they respect me for my work or not. I want them to keep their f*cking hands off me unless I tell them to put them on me.
Perhaps in construction you can say those things but most of us, at in my generation, were socialized to be pleasant, accommodating, and helpful, and being able to gain a measure or more of self-support was important enough to us that we took our work seriously. I could never say those kinds of things to any man whether we were colleagues or not. So for me best was to ignore and not let it bother me. I mean lots of men do those things outside of work as well and the process is the same. They want to see themselves as being better than us. But if we don't play they can't get that kind of satisfaction from it and try something else or stop altogether.
LOL! From things you've written, we are around the same age. The response you describe is EXACTLY what was taught to women and expected of us. Although I'll admit working in the construction industry created a level of comfort with cursing, it wasn't working in that industry that made me speak up for myself in that way. It's too personal to discuss here but, I will say, if you ignore the problem, it doesn't stop. After a while, if they aren't obsessed, they might eventually get tired of directing it at you but, they will continue that behavior toward other women. I found by completely turning the tables on the aggressor, my actions shut them down quickly and completely. And, it wasn't only shut down toward me. Their behavior toward other women was given a much needed adjustment too, for fear of another woman doing the same thing to them. ;-)
This post was edited by Harry at October 29, 2017 5:57 PM MDT
Just turned 60 (!?). That kind of intimidation seems the way men would handle one another. Haha I'm in no way the kind of person who could be intimidating even if I wanted to be! When I was young I had such low self-esteem actually I rather welcomed whatever attention I received and would go out with them and play with them. Which I soon learned destroyed any chance I would have had for any kind of well-paying work. Not that I even cared about that at that age cause it was mostly just about me. Later I learned you don't engage in such play if you want to be taken seriously and any inappropriate attention I received I learned to shrug off and just overlook and not respond to. Which made them stop though I was sometimes branded as not being any fun. "Cold roast Donna" they used to call me and the stories they invented about me! But I persisted and came to do well enough to be valued there and support myself. Have been with the same company for just shy of 30 years. Office and secretarial which is now called "administrative assistant". Really I have no desire to shut anyone down but I just want to be myself. Thank you for sharing.
If it happens in the workplace the very LAST thing that you want to do is complain to the (anti)Personnel Department, Human Resources. Their SOLE job is to protect upper management from the "employees".
I don't think that is true but practically they are going to weigh your comparative worth to the company with your abuser's and decide based upon that. In general not good to become known as a "complainer".
The hell that's not true. I've seen it happen. And the complainer's worth to the company drops like a rock after filing the complaint because now they've demonstrated that they're NOT a team player. The complainer's life is made a living hell until they have no choice but to leave and the "perpetrator" (usually in upper management) still keeps his job, and his "perks", and often gets promoted.
S&RP and I rarely agree and don't get along BUT, in this instance, he is absolutely correct. Although I'll agree with you that it's not good to become known as a complainer.
Baba 