The AnswerMug Challenge Series, Why Do We Eat This Edition:

In ancient times, a group of eight Chinese merchants demonstrating Ginzu axes at a crowded marketplace were chopping a stack of logs to pieces in a furious display of flexibility and speed.
A young boy who was carrying an armload of a dozen cabbages stumbled into the middle of the merchants and tripped over a tent peg, causing the cabbages to fall into the wake of the lightning-fast blades.  The merchants were so absorbed in their work that in seconds, the cabbages were sliced to razor-thin shreds.
At that exact moment, a spice merchant had a heart attack, clutched his chest, and dropped a bag of salt into the mix.  
A fire-breather thought the whole thing was so funny that she began guffawing, and didn't notice that her fire got out of control and alit the tent.
A quick-thinking stableboy grabbed what he thought was a large vat of water and flung it at the flames to douse them. However, it wasn't water, it was a magician's brew of acids and potions. 
The vat ended up in the middle of the melee, in perfect position to catch the ingredients. The villagers grabbed whatever they could and beat the flames down before the entire square was caught ablaze. Exhausted from their labor, they collapsed, relieved that danger had been averted.
The mayor and his staff arrived, and this being a re-election year, seized the opportunity to claim that it had all been planned that way as a minstrel show to introduce a new foodstuff to them. The villagers loved the snack, and named it after their mayor, The Most Honorable Sou Oor'e.
Fifty-three years later, his grandson was a money-changer who traveled to Europe to exchange currency at their banks. His business failed, and he was penniless in 7th century Saxony.  To earn money for passage home, he hawked his wares among the drunken sailors at the docks. They loved his fermented cabbage, it complimented their steins of ale. In their stupor, they came up with drinking songs in tribute to this new food, but wanted to take local credit for it, so they named it sauerkraut!


(Your submission doesn't have to be so long, drawn out, and convoluted.)
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