Discussion»Statements»Rosie's Corner» Unless you have been raped/sexually abused you have no idea what that does to a person. But you see why many go unreported don't you?
Unless you have been raped/sexually abused you have no idea what that does to a person. But you see why many go unreported don't you?
The attacks, vilification, attempts to destroy the character of those who speak up is endless and constant and disgusting. It's like reading about giving birth and actually giving. There is no comparison.
I have had so many attacks by men, it is a wonder I don't hate them. I kind of do, deep down. Not those who possess a male organ. There are plenty of admirable men worthy of my respect. There are far too many of the other kind. They think it is their right to act upon their desires and make up excuses as to why it is okay.
I went through years of staying away from any man who was not a gay man. I just could not stand nor trust most men. I have been abused by more than one doctor. I have been abused by a cab driver who jumped in the backseat of the cab and ripped off my underwear. I got away and ran down the street.
The list goes on. MY CRIME? I was an unmarried female with no male protection around. That, to many men, is license to act upon whatever they choose to act upon.
And that does not mean that women are better. They just have different demons in their heads than men for the most part.
I am very sorry that you had that experience Sharon. I have had two "encounters" and I have never told anyone and never shall. It still hurts to remember them because it showed such disrespect/even hatred for me as a person. I wonder how many women HAVEN'T experienced similar disrespect at the hands of men? SIGH. My best friends have always been men starting with my dad. They have always looked out for me..had my back...respected me...protected me. That's why those two experiences were so shocking. Never in a million years would I have expected it. It scars you and you never "get over it". Luckily I never carried it forward to my male friends. Thank you for your reply! :) ((hugs))
Forces us to confront our vulnerability. Physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, life. We are violated and our whole safety and feelings of well-being threatened. We can and often do become pregnant which is life-changing as well. And confront it I think we must. Being victimized gives rise to a certain state of mind - a hurt, passive, fearfulness which if we are unable to overcome it can just immobilize us completely. We feel guilty and naturally feel we must have done something wrong. Which is why I think we need to take responsibility - by which I mean being positive in how we respond to our having been victimized. Because important, no matter how we have been victimized, that we not continue to see ourselves as victims and instead take a more positive and creative approach to how we live our lives. Because if we only see ourselves as victims well then there is nothing we can do. But if we take the attitude of OK what could I have done to avoid that or for that not to happen then we are responding positively and creatively. Even if there were nothing we could have done. Do you understand that distinction. Hopefully we learn something about ourselves and about others which will make us a little more wise in life and render it less likely to happen to us in the future. Could be the way we carry ourselves, how we think of ourselves, how we feel about ourselves, our approach to life, the way we schedule our times etc. We are very susceptible to desire, our own and other's, which makes us want to be desired but even knowing at the same time it puts us at risk. We are very quick to accept romantic and sexual advances because they affirm us and make us feel worthwhile and good about ourselves. So we need to be more careful, even if it means censoring our own feelings , our own desires.
In a legal, courtroom situation any charges we may choose to bring will be and must be challenged. Which I think we need to be very careful about as well. Because in the course of denying or deflating any assertions we have made the only way it can be done, without counter-asserting that it never happened at all, is to impute the impetus to us - which is to assert that we were willing participants or that we somehow led them on for whatever reasons - including that we are "depraved" by "unnatural" desires. To ascertain which they need to go into our sexual history.
Mostly we choose not to report rapes or sexual assaults because it is private and we don't want private things about ourselves and out lives aired publicly. Especially knowing some will of course use anything to judge us negatively. So we choose to deal with it in our own ways which can be many.
I was first raped while working as a chambermaid in a motel. Not long after by two men who held my boyfriend and I captive at gunpoint. Then by an office superior. Then by my roommate's boyfriend. Then by a guy who allowed me to stay with him during a cross-country trip and two of his friends. Most recently by one of my husband's clients. When I was not terrified I was going to be killed I sometimes felt sexual pleasure and with one of them who took his time even orgasmed. Which made me feel so disgusted I hated myself that I was not better in control of myself. Then were times when I just thought OK here we go again and laughed to myself! All of which affected how I handled myself and how I regarded others and my boundaries. The first time I was 20 and full of righteous indignation and brought charges. Which led to an invasive hearing during which I realized I could not just be myself but was being forced to conform the public's expectations of me which I refused to do. He got off because I could not identify his face never having seen it. After that no way was I going to repeat that!
The way a lot of men choose to respond is emotionally like either because we have been forced to have sex somehow we belong to those who forced us OR they want to exact revenge Both of these I have always objected to. Men do not realize our vulnerability and punitive action against out attackers only serves to up the ante and make rape and sexual assault more attractive and dangerous and challenging for those who think those ways. I don't hate any of my attackers nor do I wish them any ill will. Instead I just see them as kind of pathetic and unhappy for their need to lord it over someone physically more vulnerable and weaker than themselves to make themselves feel good about themselves or more powerful.
Though a victim I have chosen not to view myself as a "victim" but instead as a human being possessing power over myself and the life I lead. And by God no matter how many times I have been victimized I have never let the bastards win. Nor shall I ever. I have chosen to remain an autonomous individual taking responsibility or myself and the life I lead.
"Most recently by one of my husband's clients." That means you were raped in your fifties. That scares me. Did your husband terminate the business relationship, or was the cost of doing it too high?
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at December 22, 2018 5:41 AM MST
Hi Neelie. Good to see you are still here. I thought you knew about that. Which was really quite a silly little thing but nonetheless rape. I will send you a private message about that when I have the time. Not sure absolutely everything belongs in the public forum as it usually is on this site. Please don't be scared.
How can you say such a thing, Rosie, when we have protectors such as this upstanding citizen for the rights of women at the very top of the Legal Food Chain?
Benedict Arnold 