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Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Do you retain *particular* fondness for someone you have been intimate with even if just friends these days?
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Do you retain *particular* fondness for someone you have been intimate with even if just friends these days?

Apologies if you feel this should be in adult mug but I thought about it and thought, no, this is about human behaviour and feelings...

I ask as I have a friend who, well you know.. He is now undergoing treatment for mouth cancer... and of course even though we have only been friends for years now, I do feel still some connection and feel concern about his welfare. 

Posted - September 23, 2018
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Responses


  • 14795
    Yes...I'm still with the only person I've ever been with...lol
      September 23, 2018 3:24 AM MDT
    3

  • 8210
    Only one for me, and he knows who he is.   :  )   :  )

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbMIG0Ie5TQ
     This post was edited by Art Lover at September 23, 2018 7:08 AM MDT
      September 23, 2018 5:55 AM MDT
    1

  • 6098
    Not really friends with anyone like that although a couple of them we exchange notes or phone calls once a year or two.  But I am concerned about the welfare of everyone I have been fond of whether we keep up or not.  Which to me seems pretty automatic.   But is more the total person I am fond of now rather than just the intimacy.   Some of them were very good to me and meant a lot to me whatever the quality of our intimacy.  If I think on it I can remember details of our intimacy but any fondness I feel is more based upon my total experience with them. 
      September 23, 2018 7:00 AM MDT
    2

  • 6477
    Absolutely, you seem to have explained what I was thinking much better than I could or did. It's the person I care about, even though he is married and he and I would never have made a relationship - I care and feel a special connection.. It's the person, not the intimacy, or even the quality of same but the connection he and I had perhaps because intimacy was involved. Borne of my experience of him as a person I think - so you said it perfectly - intimacy was a part of that experience but only a part. 
      September 23, 2018 9:13 AM MDT
    1

  • 1502
    I haven’t had any contact with any of my ex-girlfriends since our relationships ended. Sometimes I think about them and wonder how their lives turned out, but that’s about it. 
      September 23, 2018 7:09 AM MDT
    3

  • 6477
    I think that's pretty normal.. But I wondered.. if they turned up on your Facebook contacts, (not saying you have FB) or something else then perhaps you would not only know what had happened to them but perhaps might find you also still cared in a warm caring way rather than a romantic way :)
      September 23, 2018 10:55 AM MDT
    1

  • 1502
    I don’t do social media. I don’t want any more easy access to my personal life available for inmates, their friends, and families. 
      September 23, 2018 10:59 AM MDT
    0

  • 6477
    Actually that is a very good point.. And I similarly do need, or will need to be careful... Mine is all very private tho.. I only have things that friends can see and make sure that my profile pic and my avatar pic are anonymous.. Only those who know me know it's me.. Lol I have a fair few ex's on my facebook..  And I guess I am saying that for me, if we were once intimate then I retain a particulate level of connection that seems special to me. 
      September 23, 2018 11:03 AM MDT
    1

  • 19937
    I still keep in touch occasionally with two former beaux.
      September 23, 2018 8:04 AM MDT
    2

  • 6477
    Which maybe means you care about them and feel some connection even if it isn't the love/romance kind? 
      September 23, 2018 9:09 AM MDT
    2

  • 19937
    I do care about them and I like them or I wouldn't have become intimate with them.
      September 23, 2018 10:25 AM MDT
    2

  • 6477
    Very good point! I was thinking the act of intimacy created a strong bond which even when no longer intimate remains.. but it's entirely possible the bond was there regardless. 
      September 23, 2018 10:26 AM MDT
    1

  • 19937
    I both cases, we were friends first.
      September 23, 2018 10:29 AM MDT
    1

  • 22891
    no
      September 23, 2018 1:46 PM MDT
    0

  • She crosses my mind on rare occasion, but we haven't spoken in almost 30 years.
      September 23, 2018 1:54 PM MDT
    0