Would you share very personal negative things that happened to you in past, with friends?

I would, can and do, if and when I know someone well enough, or if there is a good reason.

For instance, if you friended me, I would share my past with you, because I can see that we would easily understand one another.

If someone has not shared openly with you, there could be many reasons. Some people never do: due to too much shame or fear; or it sits forgotten in the unconscious; or they were raised to keep everything secret or private; or they haven't yet reached the point of feeling safe and ready to open up.

When sharing rented accommodation together, there is the potential for life-long friendships to form -- but sometimes it never goes beyond being a relationship of convenience.

I would probably wait and get to know her better over a period of a few months. If she says judgemental things -- rather than being defensive or explaining in the hope that she might understand, you could say something like, "That's an interesting opinion," in a cheerful and casual voice. It sows doubt. She is left with the possibility that perhaps she is wrong without knowing why. You are asserting a subtle boundary which says, "your opinion of me does not define who I am or my self-image."

If you wish to open up to her once you know her better, test the waters gently, by saying one or two facts that don't tell the whole story, like, "both my parents were alcoholics so I really get the characters in that film..."

We cannot control what others think about us. They will judge us whether they admit it or not - even the ones who say "I never judge anyone - judging is wrong. " Most people have little control over their thoughts - judgements arise spontaneously according to their values and interpretations, and can often be in error because they/we don't know all the facts.

If someone is critical of me, I ask myself, is this true? If so how and why? Is it something I want to change or do something about? If not, i just let it go.

I have one friend who for twelve years has continually judged me for being too much in my head. It hurts. I have told her once, but she couldn't understand it. She has no way of knowing how important my mental life is to me. She's all about esoteric Vedantist spirituality, totally in her feelings 99% of the time. She simply cannot reach me in my world and would not want to. So I just let it be. I let her be her whole self in the way that she's most comfortable and i try not to let my head leak around her.

There is actually no one in my physical world who meets me intellectually -- not that I'm on any high level - I'm definitely not - it's just that their interests are different to mine -- which is one reason why I'm here. There are some wonderful minds here, some of them quite hidden and others out in the open. They are an extraordinary blessing to meet.

Sure...depending on the friend, and depending on the 'negative things.'  :-)

Trust is like gambling: never bet more than you can afford to lose.

There are real friends and there are acquaintances...  You learn to pick and choose what you share...  Often there is no reason to share,  it's just your decision to not participate and that should be enough

Some of them to a ''very'' close real life friend or partner... Yes... but not the worst... it would be too painful for them... I cant bear seeing people cry over me.. even when I nearly died. 

Aww I'm sorry you nearly died.. what happened? I think if the person has seemed kind, and empathetic, I'd share anything. i tried to share about horrible abuse I went through in childhood w/a friend recently but she is still sort of judgemental, so after one sentence, I stopped. she is just 'oh do this and that in life'.. 'help yourself ' etc... which is not helpful to someone who had crippling low self esteem and bullied by your own mother, nearly daily. So I still talk w/her, but I felt too vulnerable going into the things that went on even more... but I think someone who is open and kind can be great... ty so much for your reply

Thank you Yoga..I have not spoken to the friends who tried to be smug with me for not attending two hang outs before... when I'm nothing but kind, jovial, friendly and caring w/them on other times. It made me feel so bad, and it was b/c of anxiety of going in others' cars (which I concluded I can just sAY I'll take my own while we are out at beach) that led me to not go to the ocean outing. They were callous and made fun of me and I will not be hanging out again... they didn't care how I felt at all, its sad b/c these friends I've also known for 15 years :(  That was just awful she hung up the phone on you b/c you didn't agree... so selfish, and childish. I'd Never dream of doing that, or making someone be on my side. I really liked that quote so much , thank you :) 

Of course

I take back what I said earlier about me not liking your taste in music - that was the club stuff.

But Cat Stevens and Joni Mitchell are old friends from my teenage years - fill me all kinds of wonderful feelings.

Must buy the CD's, all of that era.

I love singing "Morning Has Broken" on my way down to feed the horses their breakfast.

Wow, it's sad your friend has judged you so much... I think when someone doesn't 'get' what u are saying or just doesn't 'want' to get it, they say, oh you are too much in your head. (and in my case , 'just move on' or similar things) Who is anyone to say whether you are in your head or not? I think if one is excessive worrying over something then yes, a friend can be kind and say, 'Let's think about something else ' or show you all th e great things about yourself... not berate you ... I am in m y head a lot too :( Most of the time it is unneccessary and stems from trying to not make mistakes (I was belittled severly or sometimes physical abuse for any mistake), and from trying to be responsible.. I'm tired of 'trying' .. trying to prove, trying to always please everyone (all the time, for anything)... when no one really makes that effort back. I don't share much at all w/friends.. I am like you, they are not in the same 'mentality' I guess you could say as I am. It's not wrong or good or bad, but sometimes it does feel sad, b/c they are of a 'get get get'  and 'me me me' mentality, and their lives run pretty smooth, love from bf/ parents etc. So they don't understand what I say or have attempted to explain in reference to my life ... Ty so much for sharing your views as well, it seems I do have quite a bit in common and you seem like a kind, inspiring person, H :) Ty again

No. While it may work for others, for me, I prefer to leave the past in the past. I find that justifying current actions by some negative past experience, impedes my personal growth.

What I'm talking is very deep emotional scars or abuse, not just one negative past experience'... this is shaping my life NOW, in anxiety/hypervigiliance and avoidance of certain things in life ... so while some do justify their current action (a negative action usually) , I mean as in things that have affected you in that you even would like to seek therapy to help.. talking about those things with a friend. (in contrast with just one past thing that might lead one to justify why they smoke, or why they have Adhd, etc. )

The sooner you come to grips with this, really accept it as a "given," the less stressed you'll be:

Your value is not dictated by the judgements or opinions of others, that determination belongs to you and no one else. Other people don't get to define you, that too is yours to decide.

If this is something you'd prefer not be repeated, don't discuss it. There are lots of things I don't want repeated that I don't confide in others because it simply isn't their business. I totally get that. But don't knock yourself out of a fulfilling relationship / friendship because you're concerned people will judge you. So what if they do? That's a reflection of them, not you. There are things you can control and things you can't. Perhaps you couldn't control the actions of others in your past, you can control your own future actions. Choose to define yourself rather than giving others that power and do it through your deeds.

I do have anxiety when I have to go somewhere and there's a large number of people I don't know.  I have very uncomfortably forced myself to go.  It's a good thing I do have some extrovert in me or I wouldn't have gone.  Sometimes I had an surprisingly good time and sometimes I couldn't wait to get out of there!  I'm always glad I forced myself out of my comfort zone, it's healing.

With close friends, yes I have opened up a little.  Most of the friends I have could never understand, having not gone through the same things. I'm friends with a few people still from when I was young and they remember seeing the abuse, but can't relate. Yes it does help them understand some of my neuroticness/anxiety/shyness.  It also helps them understand why I go wild sometimes.  :-)

I am talking about the same thing. I decided that my past does not dictate my future. My way of handling things may not work for everyone; I am not judging anyone who seeks support from friends. It could be that my unwillingness to confide in others about certain things is also due to negative past experiences.

:-( :-( :-(

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you.

And no that isn't helpful at all..someone who truly understands 'wouldn't' act that way.. So sorry.

I would rather not say on the main questions why I nearly died.. but I'm happy to tell you in a private message.

Yes. If I trust them enough.