How do you keep from feeling responsible for everyone's well-being?

For me, presently, and recently over the past several years, the Serenity Prayer and the First Step of the Twelve Step Program help me deal with that general situation.

Even if one is not a believer in a Higher Power/God, I would think these two principles might help. They make a logical and rational sense to me, too, along with the spirituality aspect for me.

This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at January 24, 2019 3:01 PM MST

  Lack of caring is a great start.


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By evaluating your own needs, maintaining your emotional boundaries and realizing you’re only truly responsible for yourself. We are really only in control or our own thoughts, words and actions.  You can try and be there for the people you care about, but you can’t ´fix’ them or their problems...Which really faaking sucks sometimes :/

Goodness don't think I ever felt anything like that.   Like I was all-powerful.   For me it has been more - I know people all over are hurting which bothers me that they are so I think OK what can I do.  And all we can really do at all is just try to help them in what little ways we are able to.  We have to understand that suffering and hardships and heartbreak will always exist.  If we are not subject to them we should appreciate that we are not and try to do what we can from some of those who are afflicted with them.  Which is all we can do. 

It's very nice to care about others for sure.  But the best thing you can do for others and yourself is be the best person you can be IMO.  That's really the only thing you can control anyway.  

That way, you can be a good friend who encourages others to be brave and make smart choices ... which will do wonders to help them in their time of need.

i used to be really bad about doing that. especially when it came to my parents. i felt like i was bending over backwards and walking  eggshells constantly, it was detrimental to my own mental health and i was suffering from really bad anxiety and self harming 

i cut ties with my parents for about six months after i moved out and maybe you could say i found myself 

in the last few years i realized i don't have to sacrifice my own comfort and wellbeing  to keep someone else happy 

I am always willing to help my family and friends in any way possible.  But I don't intrude on an persons private struggles unless they have given me notice that my input is necessary and welcome.

That has actually been a huge part of my own personal journey. I think Amber hit on a big point about mentioning her parents. It usually starts with that- the environment you grew up in. I know it's true of me as well. I was essentially programmed to be the one who holds things together and keeps the peace, and that has stuck with me. The unfortunate impact is that I over-give. I wind up with friends who rely on me for everything and family/ significant others who take and never give back. And, the worst part about it all is that when I do set healthy boundaries, especially with people who have been taking more than I can give, they freak out and act like I'm being selfish. That only feeds it because then I feel guilty about being a part of their problem, even though my logical brain knows I have to cut them off at some point. 

Really, all I can do is attempt to be logical about it. I can't stop myself from wanting to help and I can't stop myself from feeling bad when I don't. I also know I can't look to those people for validation because they don't realize they're takers. They'd have to be self-aware to understand what they're doing and most are not. Ergo, all I really can do is be very mindful of my own tendencies and watch for red flags that I'm over-giving or doing something I don't want to do that will have a negative impact on me, and then remind myself that I deserve to be taken care of too. Nobody else is going to do that for me, so I have to. 

I really recommend the book "Women Who Love Too Much." It addresses many of the underlying mechanisms that cause this. Not everyone is like me in terms of "peace-keeper mode." Others do it because it helps them feel like they have control or because they feel their own lives are not in control and it serves as a distraction. There may have been other situations addressed in the book too. Regardless, it's a quick read that addresses the reasons behind it and offers insights on how to deal with it based on why you feel that way. 

It's never been an issue for me.
I am responsible for my own well-being ... and can't even manage that as much as I should.
Why should I be responsible for anyone else?  (Nope, I don't have kids)

I put myself in their shoes and see they're not putting my well-being above their own.  As for my family, they can pretty much all kiss me right on the hole of my oss!

I am a mom and soon-to-be-grandma, so to an extent that is not an always possible.    Avoiding toxic people as mentioned above it what I generally do. Now that my dad is gone and it's just my mom, I do what I can, but she is of sound mind, so I don't involve myself too much in her affairs.   Avoiding toxic people and keeping my nose out of other people's business seems to be the best options. I have my own things to focus on, but those whom I care for know that I will always be there for them if they need me. 

I just manage.  It became easier when half the country became needy little tender ants.