Active Now

Element 99
Danilo_G
Malizz
my2cents
Discussion » Questions » Relationships » You're on a dating site and it matches you with your former significant other's good friend. What do you do?

You're on a dating site and it matches you with your former significant other's good friend. What do you do?

Pretend you didn't see him/ her?
Send a friendly hello with the hopes of avoiding awkwardness?
Pursue him/ her because they're a good match?
Something else? (Please explain.)

Posted - January 31, 2019

Responses


  • 1305
    This is a great question.  This is the only way I can answer it.  I dated a man for four years, and when we broke up, two of his friends (one a best friend), asked me out, and they had spoken to my ex and he was ok about it, however I had no attraction to either of them whatsoever, and I was admittedly kind of miffed by my ex's approval of it. 

    I also dated another chap for about a year, and it came to an end, I'd gotten on really well with his best friend.  If after a time he'd have asked me out I may have accepted, since my relationship with my ex was over hence ex, and we were both accepting of that.

    Whether this is different with women I don't know, since I'd feel weird if my best friend dated an ex of mine.  Much of it might boil down to who ended the relationship, whether the ending was amicable,  how long ago it ended, and if the ex was ok with it. 


    So, if I didn't fancy or like him I'd ignore it. However, if I did then I may leave it a bit to see if he got in touch with me. This post was edited by kjames at February 1, 2019 4:26 PM MST
      February 1, 2019 12:41 PM MST
    2

  • 32536
    It would depend on how the break up as if we were still friends or not. How long ago the break up was. If I felt there was any chemistry between the friend and myself. Also any background info I knew about the friend. (History of cheating, drugs/alcohol issues etc)

    But first instinct is no, I would likely ignore or say Hi and make a joke to him about. "Lol. Think this site is linked to Google spyware?"

    But if I felt there were enough chemistry and no other deal breakers. I would go for it. I used to have a rule that I did not date friends exes or friends family. But did make an exception with a friends brother in law. Did not work out but afterward was not as awkward as I expected. 
      February 1, 2019 4:48 PM MST
    1

  • 2327
    I wouldn't do anything about it. Just carry on with my search as if they weren't even there.
      February 1, 2019 8:19 PM MST
    2

  • 7280
    My ex-wife's best friend and I hooked up for a while after the divorce---the friend finally figured out who was the liar about what kind of guy I was.

    Hot and heavy for a while---we decided to cool it and keep the friendship.
      February 2, 2019 10:25 AM MST
    3