"Darn it God I was really sure you were non-existent"
Hello my:
excon
ha ha ha 
the cartoon excon
so what's the next step for someone in your position? [Assuming that a no-next-step option is too hopeless to consider]
ok TY KG
I know what you mean
It's personal and cannot be denied. A bit like what each person sees in an ink blot. If one person says "a cat diving into a bathtub full of rose petals" and, for the same blot, another says "a rocket shooting out of a woman's mouth", you cannot deny either. It's what they see. They might even change what they say the see, and you can still not deny it.
Common beliefs are different. Their basis CAN be discussed and agreed upon or otherwise.
Just seen your post
1- You're intriguing/fascinating. In most people either the need is there or it isn't. If it is they seek to satisfy it. In your case you strangely want to "become aware of any material that might help determine if there is a need for supernatural force /God to exist." Shouldn't you be looking within you to see if there is a need?
2- Anyway, how does this strike you?
a] Nothing inside me tells me that I'm responsible for the universe that is outside of me and around me, or that I'm responsible for the laws which everything known is subjected to. Even the very thing I claim to have exclusive possession of and right to, my body, is trapped within multiple layers of limitations and does not submit to me but operates according to laws determined by other than me. And these are not laws, rules, obligations or expectations imposed on me by temporal authorities, society, friends or family. I can escape all of them by fleeing to the most secluded place on earth where I'd be out of reach of all authorities and ordinary fellow humans too. But even there I will still have to yield to the rules/laws of nature governing that place, be it a desert or a dense jungle. I just cannot escape laws and rules. Come to think of it imposed rules govern a person's life even before it begins as an embryo and even after it ends as a dead body. Even our genetic make up, the age and place in which our life appears and the path it takes, making us who/what we are or will become, are not totally under our control/power.
b] The highest intelligence beings I'm aware of all seem to be in the same boat as I am in. No human claims or can claim to have such total defining power. So none of them are the cause or source I can turn to for answers. My mind will just not accept that there is nothing out there that has satisfactory answers.
c] So philosophical man (no elitism is intended by the use of that phrase) searches and his searches lead him to many sages who claim to have received answers from out there, from beyond human sources. The man examines the major claims, makes comparisons and selects what he considers to be the most plausible/satisfactory explanations/claims. It may contain what has, mockingly, come to be known as the god of the gaps, but it makes sense for him to hold on to that until he comes across something better, does it not?
you seem to go in different directions in different places.
Where does that much certainty come from for you to declare, in big letters, "GOD DOES NOT EXIST"? You see, if there is one thing we cannot declare with any confidence it is what you have declared with apparent absolute certainty. How do you KNOW. What makes you so sure?
Your belief in God should be based on accurate knowledge of him, as well as free will. (John 17:3)
