Discussion»Questions»Life and Society» Have you gone well out of your way to help someone, and been repaid some time later with rudeness or ingratitude?
Yes I have, and yes that has occurred. I know myself well however, and am sure I would do the same thing again even being aware of the outcome. I find my solace in the realization that regardless of the other party's behavior, I did the proper thing. It's never wise to go into performing deeds of kindness expecting reward. We should never seek our own glory but rather do these things out of love, as God has commanded. His is the only real approval and thanks that should be sought. We need not worry about anything else. He'll handle anyone else's poor attitude in his own way and in his own time.
Yeah. This recently became a bone of contention in my house. I was supporting my son and his girlfriend. I allowed her to move in under the condition that they focus on school work and help out around the house because I'd have to put in more hours at work to be able to support them. At age 21, they were spending their days playing video games and watching TV. Neither worked and they were waiting for their respective colleges to process them, so neither was in school either. The only chore being done was dishes and trash, and that was maybe once every three days.
I held a family meeting to try to get things sorted out again. Their constant argument was that my younger kids weren't doing enough or that the little ones were messy. Try as I might, I couldn't get them to take ownership for anything.
I'd say, "You're an adult and you need to be mature and take ownership for stuff." They'd say, "Then make the little kids do more so it's equitable." I'd say, "They have chores and help me with stuff." They'd say, "But they need to do more and they're messy. I don't want to clean and have them mess things up again." I'd say, "Then communicate with them. Ask them to pick up when you see them leave a mess or tell me and I will follow up." They'd say, "I shouldn't have to." I'd say, "You're an adult and you need to be mature and take ownership for stuff..." and so the cycle would continue.
In the last big fight we had, my son's girlfriend had the audacity to tell me she wasn't going to do any cleaning around the house because the younger kids would mess it up and that she shouldn't be expected to communicate with them or me because she's "not their mother." She also insinuated that, despite the fact that I was logging roughly 90 hours per month at work to see to their needs, I was a bad mother for not being present more. Needless to say, I kind of lost my sh*t, seeing as how I was not her mother and had been supporting her for years.
I found an easy solution to all those problems. They no longer live with me.
First, you probably should never have let his girlfriend into your home as your son's live-in partner.
Second, you mention you were supporting her for years. I would have given her one warning and kicked her out the next time she refused to cooperate.
Third, your stand on your younger children was absolutely bang on.
Fourth, assuming you're in your early forties (judging by your son's age) a 90-hour working week is not only detrimental to your physical health but also a huge emotional drain which could have proved disastrous, if it hadn't already. Particularly if as it appears you're presently a single mother, as there's no mention of your husband or any other adult male in your account.
I'm glad it's over and they've left; but how would you react if they broke up and your son wants to come home?
I'm 37. I had my son when I was 15. The stats aren't good for kids born to such young mothers, particularly when it comes to finishing school. It was important to me to at least ensure he had that much going for him when he left. His girlfriend didn't have a stable home life and had been shuffled around quite a bit, plus had some medical problems. So, I felt bad for her too. The two are pretty solid as a couple and have been together since junior high and in all likelihood are paired for life. Ergo, what impacts her life impacts his, and not just in the here and now. I wanted them both to be able to start their lives on solid footing.
They weren't that bad most of the time. Most of our disagreements concluded with both agreeing to help out more and they usually would for a week or so. But, she had a bit of a princess mentality. She had chores that were hers and she'd bat her eyelashes at him and say, "But honey, I'm tired," and he'd do her chores for her for a while. I'm not going to intervene in their relationship. It bothered me and when he'd get burned out and stop helping or complain that he was doing too much, I'd offer to talk to her about her handling her own chores. That would usually result in him attacking the chores with renewed energy too because he didn't want me addressing her. In reality, I didn't care who did what anyway, so long as it got done. The last argument was the first time they didn't relent and actually got nasty with me. That's what pushed me over the edge. It wasn't just that they were being neglectful. They were angry with me because of the sacrifices I was making on their behalf; a disconnect I'm sure they'll sort out on their own now that they're adulting.
I don't regret letting her move in and I don't regret seeing them through high school. I feel like I made the right choice, despite the hardship it caused. Now that they've passed that stage, it was definitely time for them to move on and grow though.
Yes, my work hours have proved disastrous on more than one occasion. lol C'est la vie.
Yes, but if you do something for someone you should do it because you want to, then you won't get a resentment later. When this happened to me my thoughts were, "I can't change who I am, neither would I want to."
Back in the 70s, I saved a young boy's life after he fell off of a train tressel. Twenty years later, his wife fired my sister who was working for the apartment complex he was running.
WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH 