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Do some people just wind up in more bad situations than others through no fault of their own or is there usually a cause?

A while back, a friend of mine took a job and they treated my friend very poorly. The friend put up with it, but when I heard what was happening, it was bad enough that I reported the agency to several state boards. Later, the friend purchased a vehicle in a private sale. Within a week or so, the vehicle started falling apart. I looked up the seller and the seller had a criminal record for things like fraud involving vehicle sales. The same friend recently got established with a medical provider found through their insurance company and was telling me all the things that were happening there that didn't seem right. I looked into the provider and, although he calls himself a doctor, he isn't one. I reported him to the boards. 

There are more stories like this with this one person, and some, like the vehicle, I can say, "Ok, you should have had the car checked before you bought it and researched the seller," but the job and the non-doctor? Weird. 

Like everyone, I have bad things happen to me and have bad people cross my path, but not on this level. So, I have to wonder... is this somehow the product of something my friend is doing or do some people just have really rotten luck? Your thoughts don't have to reflect this particular situation... I'm just curious in general.

Posted - May 7, 2019
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Responses


  • 19937
    The job was probably not something she could have foreseen, but the doctor could have been researched online as well as the issues relating to the car.  There is so much information on the internet these days and so many people looking to scam trusting people that we all should be cautious of those with whom we do business - especially when it comes to your health.
      May 7, 2019 1:06 PM MDT
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  • 46117
    There is a reason for everything.  I argued this fact with a Harvard professor who taught at my college and he thought I was nuts.

    I am not.  Everything that happens has a reason.  It may not be a reason the person can control or even is responsible for, but that does not omit the FACT that every effect has a cause.  Every one.

    So, we are often victims of circumstance.  But if we don't learn from the ones we are presented with, we can not call ourselves victims too often.  Railing at the moon does little.  Focusing and changing the outcome empowers us.  Of course there are hundreds of arguments to this blanket statement.  But, basically we need to see that we are not victims when we realize there is some way out.  Once we realize that, we need to ACT.


     I didn't read the examples.  I just answered the question.   This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at May 8, 2019 5:29 PM MDT
      May 7, 2019 1:15 PM MDT
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  • 10993
    Some people are naive or trusting  or simply lack the intuition the rest of have about people and situations.
      May 7, 2019 4:11 PM MDT
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  • 4624
    I'm inclined to believe that if something is an on-going pattern in someone's life then it probably does have something to do with them, though it may not always be their fault.

    For instance, people of color experience micro-racist behaviors almost every day of their lives. The racists themselves are unconscious of their behaviors. A question like "where do you come from?" might seem innocuous enough but to someone who's used to being vilified for their accent it soon becomes code for "you don't belong here." Similar micro-discriminations are experienced by the disabled, the elderly, and often women.

    On the other hand, some people are very poor at reading the subtle tones of voice, facial expressions, and gestures of others. This can cause them to repeatedly end up in toxic situations because they don't see the warning signs that would tell others not to accept a particular job, work environment, social group, etc.
    Others may have poor boundaries. They might fully understand that another's behavior is inappropriate, Machiavellian or abusive but not have the courage to stand up to it, so it gradually escalates till it becomes unbearable and then suddenly a drama or crisis erupts.
      May 8, 2019 12:18 AM MDT
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  • 19937
    You see asking someone where they're from because they have an accent micro-racism and translate that to "you don't belong here"?  I see it more as, "Your accent tells me you aren't from here and I'd like to know more about you, such as, where you come from."  If people look to be offended, they will be.
      May 8, 2019 4:48 AM MDT
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  • 6098
    Yes but as I often observe - race exists. Disability exists.  Age exists.  Gender exists.  I have been asked where I come from even though I have been here for 0ver 30 years and anyway most people would say I don't sound like I come from where I do.  People reach out to one another, want to make contact with one another and try to do that.  People also tend to be less comfortable with what they are not accustomed to.  A blanket condemnation of everyone just being themselves as "racist" or "micro-racist" serves no purpose other than setting ourselves up as superior.  As well as serving to obscure the baleful effects of people who really do believe one race, or gender, or age, or disability, is superior to another.  If we are all "racists" then so be it.  If not then we need to be more particular and specific in our condemnations. 
      May 8, 2019 5:37 AM MDT
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  • 6098
    Sharon's third paragraph is one of the best things ever posted on this site and I could not agree more.  Not sure I agree that everything happens for a reason and anyway even if it does we are usually unable to discern that reason.  But unless we see ourselves as having possible options then we  can only see ourselves as victims. 

    Most interesting is not your friend but your response which on one level is wonderful help, but on another might be considered fighting the battles of another.  Which if they are to survive and thrive they must learn to fight themselves. 
      May 8, 2019 5:46 AM MDT
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  • 22891
    probably
      May 12, 2019 4:33 PM MDT
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